On a Lighter Note! By ‘Walemi Ogunleye “This country is a complete mess, nothing ever seems to work. For how long are we going to continue this way? The more we complain the worse it gets….” “Look, if you don’t stop worrying about this country, you will just develop hypertension, and don’t forget you don’t have the wherewithal to head to Saudi Arabia or Germany for treatment.
If you kill yourself over Nigeria’s matters, I can assure you, the country will not miss you.” “As for me, I have made up my mind not to get worried again about the numerous ills of this country. I no go allow Nigeria kill me. We have always lamented and complained, and nothing has changed. Don’t you think its time we adopted Uncle Bola Ige’s siddon look approach?” “In fact, come here baby; let us do something else tonight, aside these habitual complaints. For once, let us forget Nigeria and her endless stream of man made, leadership induced problems” “Okay o, if you say so. What exactly do you have in mind?” “How about living it light tonight? I have a couple of comedy VCDs we can watch. Let us laugh in place of lamentation. Don’t forget that one lesson Nigeria teaches you is that you are responsible for your own survival and happiness. So let us laugh away our worries” “Hmm, okay o, but do you know that kerosene is finished in the house and the house help has been at the filling station all day without any luck? E be like say na dis your comedy we go chop tonight” “Don’t worry; man shall not live by bread alone” “Who is this one?” “Haba, you mean you don’t know ‘I go Dye’, he is one of the foremost comedians in the land now” “You think I have the time to waste on all this humour merchants? I have never sat down deliberately to listen to any of them. In the midst of all the vagaries and challenges of living in Nigeria, you think I have the time to sit down and dwell in some make believe world of some comedians?” “That means you have been missing a lot” “Warri no de carry last” I go Dye’s voice roared on the television set. “Devil na area boy, God na Godfather” “The reason why we have many robbery cases in Nigeria is very simple. Guns are costly while bullets are cheap. Pure and simple! “If bullet is as cheap as N500, then it is profitable for the armed robber to expend a N500 bullet to rob the victim of ordinary N5000.” “The solution to robbery is for government to make guns available to all Nigerians free of charge, while the bullets should be made very expensive, at least N500,000. I can assure you that armed robbery will be a thing of the past” “Come to think of it, for how much will a robber be willing to expend his N500,000 bullet?, or you think say armed robbers no get sense?” “If an armed robber enters your house and you have about N200,000, when he starts backing at you, ‘your money or your life’, just smile and tell him ‘look my friend, I have only N200,000 in this briefcase, don’t waste your N500,000 bullet on just N200k o. it is not even enough for you to buy a fresh charge of bullet, so, think twice’. If he continues to back orders at you, dare him to shoot! I can assure you he will not, or you think say robbers no know Arithmetic” “In fact, you will see that armed robbery cases will drop drastically. Robbers will be more interested in robbing their victim of bullets than money”. Ha ha ha ha ha….., “this guy cant be serious” “But come to think of it, isn’t there some sense in his solution to the alarming incidences of armed robberies. What a simple solution to an otherwise complex problem?” “Oh, hmmm, this guy cant be serious…. ha ha ha ha…” “Hello, this is Gbenga Adeyinka the first, comedian of the Federal Republic”, the next comedian came on air. “I have these three children who have this habit of always arguing over any and every matter”. “One fateful day, I got home to meet them in their usual argument session, the topic being the religion of Gov Fashola of Lagos State. The first one said he is a Christian, I asked him why he thinks he is. He responded that when he became governor, he held a thanksgiving service in one church and it was aired on the television, so he must be a Christian, he concluded.” “The second daughter posited that the man is a moslem because his full name is Babatunde Raji Fashola. Raji is a muslim name, so the governor must be a Moslem, she also concluded” “Turning to the last son, I asked him: Tobiloba, what do you say?” “Daddy, don’t mind the two of them, they don’t know anything. The man is a Guru Maharaji” “Why?” “Cant you see that since he became governor, he has been busy planting flowers and trees on all roads in Lagos. Or don’t you know that it is Guru Maharaji’s adherents that love and plants flowers in every available space, the governor is definitely a Guru Maharaji” “Ha ha aha ha….. oh my God” “These guys are really crazy clowns” “From the way you are laughing, I think I can safely conclude that you really enjoyed the jokes”. “Ha ha ha ha, I can’t remember the last time I laughed this heartily. Hmmm…” “Please buy more of these comedy VCDs on your way from work tomorrow. Like you said, we are responsible for our survival and happiness, and I don’t want to go hypertensive at this my young age”. “That is the point dear, our lamentation over the years has not brought about any change, the leaders are still as inept and insensitive as ever. A little laughter once a while will make us retain our sanity in the midst of the chaos and disappointments that daily confronts us in this country”. “Mean while, the house help has still not returned from the filling station, everybody go fast this evening….”
The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect the editorial policy of SaharaReporters