February 17, 2010
Esin iwaju: that’s the horse leading the pack in a stampede across the plains. When it stumbles and falls into a ditch, the ho
rses behind it would do themselves a whole lot of good to pause and think – if only horses could think! As the rudderless and integrity-challenged Executive Council of the Federation decides to send yet another jamboree delegation to Jeddah to continue the tragi-comedy of a state in search of her missing (former?) President, the new delegation is advised to learn from the plight of those who have gone before them. Strange things have happened to every delegation.
articleadslinks
Bukola Saraki led and early delegation in the early days of the Jeddah show when it was still possible for the hawks to lie with a straight face. The Saraki delegation loitered for a few days in their hotel rooms and returned to lie to the nation. They did not see Yar’Adua. David Edebvie tried and got stranded in a hotel room in Dubai. Dimeji Bankole sent a House delegation and they spent six days in a hotel room in Jeddah, only managing to see Madam Turai towards the end of their stay; Vincent Ogbulafor tried to see Yar’Adua, loitered too in a hotel room before whatever is wrong with him took a turn for the worse and he sauntered off to India for medical treatment. The new ministerial delegation to Jeddah must prepare for the following scenarios:
(1) Prepare to spend some time in Dubai, Cairo, or Kuwait City while waiting for clearance from Madam Turai and the Saudi authorities to proceed to Jeddah. In order not to be lonely in your transit destination, send Madam or whoever normally deputizes for her on your trips ahead of you to those places.
(2) The Nigerian Ambassador to Saudi Arabia will meet you at the airport in Jeddah and immediately propose a one-week all expenses paid tour of the kingdom of Saudi Arabi + reinforced estacode. Accept it. It could be your last chance to fleece Nigeria. There is no telling when Goodluck Jonathan will send you guys packing.
(3) Travel with plenty of Nigerian games – ludo, whot, draughts, ayo, etc. You will need them for your extensive hotel stay after your tour of Saudi Arabia.
(4) Ask your hotel in Jeddah to have the TV in your rooms permanently tuned to the BBC channel in case Madam Turai needs to communicate with you from the hospital.
(5) If you are tempted to claim that the President phoned you in your hotel rooms from the hospital, ask Goodluck Jonathan, Dimeji Bankole, and David Mark if it’s a good idea to invent telephone calls. They claimed too quickly in the early days that the President phoned them and have been the greatest beneficiaries of the subsequent confusion since nobody has remembered to press them about the phantom phone calls.
(6) Don’t plan to travel with Ojo Maduekwe. Tell him to meet you in Jeddah. He doesn’t go anywhere without obligatory stopovers in Washington and New York. Even when travelling from Abuja to Cotonou on official business, he routes the flight through America. Some of his uncharitable enemies claim that he is based in the Nigerian Mission in New York from where he visits his Abuja office episodically. Unless you are all prepared to go do Abuja – New York-Jeddah, don’t travel with Maduekwe.
(7) Find out if Vincent Ogbulafor drank tea at any time during his visit to Jeddah and who served him. Avoid that person like a deadly plague. Nigerians and rumours! Not that I believe those rumours o but they are now saying that although he was doing poorly before he travelled, his condition worsened in Jeddah. They are saying that perhaps someone or some people didn’t want him back in Nigeria in good time to run his mouth. If he had come back home, an opportunist like him would have immediately led numerous delegations and sub-delegations to Jonathan to do obeisance and pledge allegiance. That would have been a deadly symbolic blow to the Yar’Adua camp. Now he is in a hospital in India. We don’t want the six of you to end up in a Bombay hospital. Rememer, even your new boss, Jonathan, doesn’t drink tea in Aso Rock.
(8) If any of you have had your hands in the cookie jar in your respective Ministries – are there monies you have spent for which you would otherwise have required Presidential authorization? – this is the time for you to claim that President Yar’Adua signed your documents in Jeddah. A desperate Turai would swear that she saw the President sign your documents wallahi talahi.
(9) During your extended hotel stay, Alhaji Rilwanu Lukman should not be allowed to play ludo and whot with the rest of you. He should be made to do an internship at the Saudi Petroleum Ministry. He should be taught the voodoo of running the oil sector of a major oil economy without recurrent fuel scarcity.
(10) Don’t worry. Nigerians will expect different statements from your delegation when you get back. Five of you will find appropriate euphemisms to declare that you did not actually see Yar’Adua; Abba Ruma will claim that not only did he see Yar’Adua, they in fact played squash together. Naturally, the President was too strong and good a player. He defeated Ruma.
articleadsbanner
rses behind it would do themselves a whole lot of good to pause and think – if only horses could think! As the rudderless and integrity-challenged Executive Council of the Federation decides to send yet another jamboree delegation to Jeddah to continue the tragi-comedy of a state in search of her missing (former?) President, the new delegation is advised to learn from the plight of those who have gone before them. Strange things have happened to every delegation.articleadslinks
Bukola Saraki led and early delegation in the early days of the Jeddah show when it was still possible for the hawks to lie with a straight face. The Saraki delegation loitered for a few days in their hotel rooms and returned to lie to the nation. They did not see Yar’Adua. David Edebvie tried and got stranded in a hotel room in Dubai. Dimeji Bankole sent a House delegation and they spent six days in a hotel room in Jeddah, only managing to see Madam Turai towards the end of their stay; Vincent Ogbulafor tried to see Yar’Adua, loitered too in a hotel room before whatever is wrong with him took a turn for the worse and he sauntered off to India for medical treatment. The new ministerial delegation to Jeddah must prepare for the following scenarios:
(1) Prepare to spend some time in Dubai, Cairo, or Kuwait City while waiting for clearance from Madam Turai and the Saudi authorities to proceed to Jeddah. In order not to be lonely in your transit destination, send Madam or whoever normally deputizes for her on your trips ahead of you to those places.
(2) The Nigerian Ambassador to Saudi Arabia will meet you at the airport in Jeddah and immediately propose a one-week all expenses paid tour of the kingdom of Saudi Arabi + reinforced estacode. Accept it. It could be your last chance to fleece Nigeria. There is no telling when Goodluck Jonathan will send you guys packing.
(3) Travel with plenty of Nigerian games – ludo, whot, draughts, ayo, etc. You will need them for your extensive hotel stay after your tour of Saudi Arabia.
(4) Ask your hotel in Jeddah to have the TV in your rooms permanently tuned to the BBC channel in case Madam Turai needs to communicate with you from the hospital.
(5) If you are tempted to claim that the President phoned you in your hotel rooms from the hospital, ask Goodluck Jonathan, Dimeji Bankole, and David Mark if it’s a good idea to invent telephone calls. They claimed too quickly in the early days that the President phoned them and have been the greatest beneficiaries of the subsequent confusion since nobody has remembered to press them about the phantom phone calls.
(6) Don’t plan to travel with Ojo Maduekwe. Tell him to meet you in Jeddah. He doesn’t go anywhere without obligatory stopovers in Washington and New York. Even when travelling from Abuja to Cotonou on official business, he routes the flight through America. Some of his uncharitable enemies claim that he is based in the Nigerian Mission in New York from where he visits his Abuja office episodically. Unless you are all prepared to go do Abuja – New York-Jeddah, don’t travel with Maduekwe.
(7) Find out if Vincent Ogbulafor drank tea at any time during his visit to Jeddah and who served him. Avoid that person like a deadly plague. Nigerians and rumours! Not that I believe those rumours o but they are now saying that although he was doing poorly before he travelled, his condition worsened in Jeddah. They are saying that perhaps someone or some people didn’t want him back in Nigeria in good time to run his mouth. If he had come back home, an opportunist like him would have immediately led numerous delegations and sub-delegations to Jonathan to do obeisance and pledge allegiance. That would have been a deadly symbolic blow to the Yar’Adua camp. Now he is in a hospital in India. We don’t want the six of you to end up in a Bombay hospital. Rememer, even your new boss, Jonathan, doesn’t drink tea in Aso Rock.
(8) If any of you have had your hands in the cookie jar in your respective Ministries – are there monies you have spent for which you would otherwise have required Presidential authorization? – this is the time for you to claim that President Yar’Adua signed your documents in Jeddah. A desperate Turai would swear that she saw the President sign your documents wallahi talahi.
(9) During your extended hotel stay, Alhaji Rilwanu Lukman should not be allowed to play ludo and whot with the rest of you. He should be made to do an internship at the Saudi Petroleum Ministry. He should be taught the voodoo of running the oil sector of a major oil economy without recurrent fuel scarcity.
(10) Don’t worry. Nigerians will expect different statements from your delegation when you get back. Five of you will find appropriate euphemisms to declare that you did not actually see Yar’Adua; Abba Ruma will claim that not only did he see Yar’Adua, they in fact played squash together. Naturally, the President was too strong and good a player. He defeated Ruma.
articleadsbanner
googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('comments'); });
googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('content1'); });
googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('content2'); });