April 3, 2010
Professor Dora Akunyili, may or may not have cooked for the Yar’Aduas. She may never have boiled Umaru an egg in her life, or offered Turai a heartwarming bowl of fura de nunu. But I think Akunyili’s answer to Senator Kanti Bello’s question was wrong only because of the context. To begin with, Bello is not just a Senator; he is the Chief Whip of the Upper House.
Professor Dora Akunyili, may or may not have cooked for the Yar’Aduas. She may never have boiled Umaru an egg in her life, or offered Turai a heartwarming bowl of fura de nunu. But I think Akunyili’s answer to Senator Kanti Bello’s question was wrong only because of the context. To begin with, Bello is not just a Senator; he is the Chief Whip of the Upper House.
When you call somebody Chief Whip, he tends to walk as though he carries a smoked bulala somewhere in the folds of his babanriga. He feels he bears on his tongue the penetrating fumes of naga jolokia, the hottest pepper in the world. People in the presence of a Chief Whip may feel a sense of immediate menace.
At the screening of Mrs. Akunyili, Chief Whip Bello did not make matters any easier on the squirming ministerial hopeful. When you say something like, “Why were you criticizing the cabal when you were a certified cabalist; you even cooked for Turai!” the target may well feel like the Biblical Peter, about to deny Jesus for the first time.
Mr. Bello was setting a trap. Consider that he cleverly did not accuse his victim of cooking for the president, but for his wife, another woman. That conjures up the image of a common house-help doing Madam’s chores.
Shivering with foreboding, Peter’s answer was, “I know Him Not!”
But notice also that the professor never denied cooking in the State House kitchen. She never denied whipping up some dry fish peppersoup or bushmeat suya or Isiewu. She never denied personally pounding yam for a select few. And if the First Lady approved of her championship culinary skills, you cannot really call that cooking for the First Lady.
If you asked me, I do not see what is wrong with cooking for the President of the Federal Republic. Given the diversity of options available to His Excellency at any point, it would be an honour to be asked to feed the First Family or nourish the Pre-eminent Palate.
I would gladly do it. It would have to be a different kind of lion in the cave for me to come that close, but I would be thrilled to be asked to find the kitchen and whip up a midnight snack.
That is why it is difficult for me to understand Mrs. Akunyili’s fervent denials that she may have cooked for Turai. But remember, Peter did not learn anything from his first denial, or the fact that the Lord Jesus had warned him in advance how many denials would escape his lips.
"I have always tried my best to be a nationalist,” Mrs. Akunyili protested. “Even in NAFDAC, I served Nigeria, not myself, even when those involved and I had to deal with them were my people, I didn't spare them."
Apparently, it is not only what you did not do that gets you a ministerial key, but what you can sell. "When [Yar’Adua] became ill, I organised a fast with my staff and my household and the DG of the FRCN was part of the fast,” she said. “I also booked 90 days Novena prayers for him at St. Leo’s Parish, Ikeja. It can be cross-checked when he went to the hospital and that shows you that I have nothing against our president. I am loyal to him, I am loyal to the Constitution and I am very loyal to the country."
Mrs. Akunyili is clever, but she is not that clever, which is why she winds up with that bundle of contradictions. It is not possible for a Nigerian—any Nigerian—to be loyal to a Nigerian leader and this country as we know it, with the same heart and at the same time. And how is it that a man goes to the hospital and someone books 90 days worth of prayer? Why not nine, which is the normal length of a Novena, or consecutive Novenas? How did she know how long Yar’Adua would be away? Desperation often travels with overzealousness, which leads to contradictions, which comes back as desperation.
Peter wept a lot when the cock crowed and he realized he had really denied the Lord three times. But his penance was sufficient, and he went on to become the rock upon which the Christian faith was built. Mrs. Akunyili is back as Minister.
The crisis we have in the structure of our governance is not with the individual nominee, but in the role of the Senate. It is not Akunyili’s fault that she is a woman of two faces. At the National Agency for Food, Drug Administration and Control (NAFDAC), she was an unexpected success story. We thanked her.
At the Ministry of Information, she then fell flat on her face, championing a widely discredited “Rebrand Nigeria” mission. She was also involved in the messy N8.2 billion Nigerian Television Authority (NTA) equipment contract for last year’s Under-17 World Cup in Nigeria.
It was also last year that she put her rebranding gospel and the humility of her Catholic faith aside to give her daughter the most extravagant wedding a Minister could order. She had it broadcast live on private television. In the United States, I am sure her husband’s people are laughing; they know that no Secretary in Barak Obama’s administration would invest in such a scandal.
Akunyili, it must be said, rescued a bit of her image three months ago when she broke ranks with the FEC over Yar’Adua’s illness. Senator Bello’s point was that Mrs. Akunyili was trying to return to the government under false pretences. But it was a personal battle, ill-conceived and ill-executed.
The situation unveils our nightmare. The Senate of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, as it currently exists, is a disgrace to the Federal Republic of Nigeria. The so-called “screening” of Acting President Goodluck Jonathan’s ministerial nominees demonstrates how much the body lacks in character, competence, integrity and professionalism.
Our recent experience should have compelled the Senate to insist that the President matches nominees with projected offices, to enable them to be screened more realistically. Their irresponsible, wholesale clearance implied that all the nominees had passed the test of character, training and achievement.
What the Senate needed to do with Mrs. Akunyili and other nominees was their history. In her case, had she been a productive investment in Information? Were they satisfied with her Rebrand Nigeria project?
It should never have mattered whom a Nigerian cooked for; it should always matter what a Nigerian official cooked for Nigeria. In Mrs. Akunyili’s case, hers was the presumptuous and poisonous ‘Rebrand Nigeria,’ into which hundreds of millions was poured.
She divided Nigerians and insulted those abroad fwhen they challenged her pet scheme: “Nigerians in the Diaspora are the worst when it comes to bad mouthing Nigeria,” she said. “When you hear Nigerians overseas talk about Nigeria, you will weep for this country.”
I do not know whether she was in a kitchen, or in a kitchen cabinet, but she was clearly having a good time when she spoke about the Yar’Adua as a good leader and challenge Nigerians to be better followers. “If you are a leader, you lead well,” she said in an interview. “[And] if you are an ordinary citizen, be a good follower…government is doing its own bit for the people (and) at the same time fighting corruption.”
All of that was despite the monumental rot that was the Yar’Adua administration. An accountable Senate would have questioned her closely. It would have similarly questioned other nominees in order to ascertain their ability to help move Nigeria forward.
This is not really difficult to understand; a group of Boys Scouts that can agree to be led by men with the track record of David Mark is headed for infamy. In effect, our Ministers are never really screened, they are appointees of a dubious Senate, depending on whether they have been—or will be—good to the Senators. What we have is a coin: on one side is the executive, and on the other, the legislature.
This is not only ridiculous, it is dangerous. It is a pattern that has now been perfected. Jonathan gets his cabinet, which gets to spend the money; he will also get his own kitchen cabinet, which will spend the power as well.
That kitchen cabinet will determine our next chapter. Some of them will help Patience Jonathan with her pedicure. If she tires of St. Louis sugar in her tea, the FEC will award contracts for honey.
• [email protected]
When you call somebody Chief Whip, he tends to walk as though he carries a smoked bulala somewhere in the folds of his babanriga. He feels he bears on his tongue the penetrating fumes of naga jolokia, the hottest pepper in the world. People in the presence of a Chief Whip may feel a sense of immediate menace.
At the screening of Mrs. Akunyili, Chief Whip Bello did not make matters any easier on the squirming ministerial hopeful. When you say something like, “Why were you criticizing the cabal when you were a certified cabalist; you even cooked for Turai!” the target may well feel like the Biblical Peter, about to deny Jesus for the first time.
Mr. Bello was setting a trap. Consider that he cleverly did not accuse his victim of cooking for the president, but for his wife, another woman. That conjures up the image of a common house-help doing Madam’s chores.
Shivering with foreboding, Peter’s answer was, “I know Him Not!”
But notice also that the professor never denied cooking in the State House kitchen. She never denied whipping up some dry fish peppersoup or bushmeat suya or Isiewu. She never denied personally pounding yam for a select few. And if the First Lady approved of her championship culinary skills, you cannot really call that cooking for the First Lady.
If you asked me, I do not see what is wrong with cooking for the President of the Federal Republic. Given the diversity of options available to His Excellency at any point, it would be an honour to be asked to feed the First Family or nourish the Pre-eminent Palate.
I would gladly do it. It would have to be a different kind of lion in the cave for me to come that close, but I would be thrilled to be asked to find the kitchen and whip up a midnight snack.
That is why it is difficult for me to understand Mrs. Akunyili’s fervent denials that she may have cooked for Turai. But remember, Peter did not learn anything from his first denial, or the fact that the Lord Jesus had warned him in advance how many denials would escape his lips.
"I have always tried my best to be a nationalist,” Mrs. Akunyili protested. “Even in NAFDAC, I served Nigeria, not myself, even when those involved and I had to deal with them were my people, I didn't spare them."
Apparently, it is not only what you did not do that gets you a ministerial key, but what you can sell. "When [Yar’Adua] became ill, I organised a fast with my staff and my household and the DG of the FRCN was part of the fast,” she said. “I also booked 90 days Novena prayers for him at St. Leo’s Parish, Ikeja. It can be cross-checked when he went to the hospital and that shows you that I have nothing against our president. I am loyal to him, I am loyal to the Constitution and I am very loyal to the country."
Mrs. Akunyili is clever, but she is not that clever, which is why she winds up with that bundle of contradictions. It is not possible for a Nigerian—any Nigerian—to be loyal to a Nigerian leader and this country as we know it, with the same heart and at the same time. And how is it that a man goes to the hospital and someone books 90 days worth of prayer? Why not nine, which is the normal length of a Novena, or consecutive Novenas? How did she know how long Yar’Adua would be away? Desperation often travels with overzealousness, which leads to contradictions, which comes back as desperation.
Peter wept a lot when the cock crowed and he realized he had really denied the Lord three times. But his penance was sufficient, and he went on to become the rock upon which the Christian faith was built. Mrs. Akunyili is back as Minister.
The crisis we have in the structure of our governance is not with the individual nominee, but in the role of the Senate. It is not Akunyili’s fault that she is a woman of two faces. At the National Agency for Food, Drug Administration and Control (NAFDAC), she was an unexpected success story. We thanked her.
At the Ministry of Information, she then fell flat on her face, championing a widely discredited “Rebrand Nigeria” mission. She was also involved in the messy N8.2 billion Nigerian Television Authority (NTA) equipment contract for last year’s Under-17 World Cup in Nigeria.
It was also last year that she put her rebranding gospel and the humility of her Catholic faith aside to give her daughter the most extravagant wedding a Minister could order. She had it broadcast live on private television. In the United States, I am sure her husband’s people are laughing; they know that no Secretary in Barak Obama’s administration would invest in such a scandal.
Akunyili, it must be said, rescued a bit of her image three months ago when she broke ranks with the FEC over Yar’Adua’s illness. Senator Bello’s point was that Mrs. Akunyili was trying to return to the government under false pretences. But it was a personal battle, ill-conceived and ill-executed.
The situation unveils our nightmare. The Senate of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, as it currently exists, is a disgrace to the Federal Republic of Nigeria. The so-called “screening” of Acting President Goodluck Jonathan’s ministerial nominees demonstrates how much the body lacks in character, competence, integrity and professionalism.
Our recent experience should have compelled the Senate to insist that the President matches nominees with projected offices, to enable them to be screened more realistically. Their irresponsible, wholesale clearance implied that all the nominees had passed the test of character, training and achievement.
What the Senate needed to do with Mrs. Akunyili and other nominees was their history. In her case, had she been a productive investment in Information? Were they satisfied with her Rebrand Nigeria project?
It should never have mattered whom a Nigerian cooked for; it should always matter what a Nigerian official cooked for Nigeria. In Mrs. Akunyili’s case, hers was the presumptuous and poisonous ‘Rebrand Nigeria,’ into which hundreds of millions was poured.
She divided Nigerians and insulted those abroad fwhen they challenged her pet scheme: “Nigerians in the Diaspora are the worst when it comes to bad mouthing Nigeria,” she said. “When you hear Nigerians overseas talk about Nigeria, you will weep for this country.”
I do not know whether she was in a kitchen, or in a kitchen cabinet, but she was clearly having a good time when she spoke about the Yar’Adua as a good leader and challenge Nigerians to be better followers. “If you are a leader, you lead well,” she said in an interview. “[And] if you are an ordinary citizen, be a good follower…government is doing its own bit for the people (and) at the same time fighting corruption.”
All of that was despite the monumental rot that was the Yar’Adua administration. An accountable Senate would have questioned her closely. It would have similarly questioned other nominees in order to ascertain their ability to help move Nigeria forward.
This is not really difficult to understand; a group of Boys Scouts that can agree to be led by men with the track record of David Mark is headed for infamy. In effect, our Ministers are never really screened, they are appointees of a dubious Senate, depending on whether they have been—or will be—good to the Senators. What we have is a coin: on one side is the executive, and on the other, the legislature.
This is not only ridiculous, it is dangerous. It is a pattern that has now been perfected. Jonathan gets his cabinet, which gets to spend the money; he will also get his own kitchen cabinet, which will spend the power as well.
That kitchen cabinet will determine our next chapter. Some of them will help Patience Jonathan with her pedicure. If she tires of St. Louis sugar in her tea, the FEC will award contracts for honey.
• [email protected]
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