April 19, 2010
My name is His Excellency, Ahmad Yerimah and I am among the many members of the Legislature that make rules for the most populous country in Black Africa. For those of you who don’t know me, I was the first human being to have the bile to introduce Sharia law in my home state of Zamfara way back then.
My name is His Excellency, Ahmad Yerimah and I am among the many members of the Legislature that make rules for the most populous country in Black Africa. For those of you who don’t know me, I was the first human being to have the bile to introduce Sharia law in my home state of Zamfara way back then. Anyway the only achievement I got from that Sharia is that I cut off the hand of one cow thief called Jangebbe. Ha ha..I cut his hand because he stole a cow worth N50, 000 and that night, I celebrated with N50million from the treasury of the state. Don’t say Haba! It is my entitlement; after all, is it only the South-South governors that know how to embezzle? We need to show them we have swagger as well.
Anyway, I am now in the hallowed chambers of the Senate and make laws for Nigeria and Nigerians.
Ha Ha..stupid people, lazy country that will make so much noise and shut up when people like me come out. One thing you don’t know about me is the fact that I am a thief, an armed robber and have done more exploits than Ali Baba. Walahi. What did that one steal that made him legendary? Mere gold and silver wares and he was not smart to do it alone; he needed 40 thieves.
Me, I was armed with my pen and made sure Zamfara State was left dry. Kai, when the people, the stupid boy I put there as Governor wanted to do shakara; can you imagine; small boy I made history as being the only governor that his deputy enthroned, started to announce he will probe me with Sharia; me king of Sharia. I did not blame him and the ignorant people that started shouting stone him according to Sharia law.
Idiots called Zamfaraians. I just went to my good friend and fellow thief, Mikky Andoakaaaa for reprieve and got an injunction from a High Court in Abuja. Ha Ha Ha Ha. They call themselves good people great nation when in reality they are stupid people, ignorant lot. Don’t they know that those laws are made for them; those low lives. People like us are immunded to the law. Yes, yes even when Oputa panel called IBB, Buhari and Abdusalami, they knew it was just the cry of fools.
Anyway, lets us leave the matter of the fool’s paradise because I am still enjoying my money. Recently, one of my wives became stupid because she had started becoming ambitious; asking me to follow the path of honour and do what is right. Haba, this Obasanjo dey corrupt people well well.
I sent her back to her parents and told her, I divorce you, I divorce you and I divorce you. That is my visa to get a new bride.
And I did in style.
I brought home a prized possession gotten in the spirit of slave trade and I am satisfied. My sweetest apple now is from Egypt. I had four wives until number two became ‘born again,’ then, I remembered my Sharia that allows me a maximum of four. That is the good side of Sharia for people like us; we use it for the masses like Jangebbe and others while we use the High Courts to immune ourselves form the law. It is not for free; we buy the judgements in the high Courts for our coverage. The name of the game is money and believe me I have given out more money to judges than I have to Imams.
My wedding Fathia was huge and took place in Nigeria because I would have been sent to jail in Cairo because my little bride’s country laws forbid marriage at such a tender age. But they don’t have sense. I doled out a cool $100,000 or N15, 000,000 for my bride price. Walahi, to spend stolen money is sweet. And for all those making noise, I have witnesses during my wedding. Thirty of my in-laws were flown in from Cairo to be there and I spent money from the coffers of Zamfara State.
My fellow Senators who also like them young were there with me at the Protea Hotel in Asokoro. Check my list; Deputy Governor of Zamfara state, Mukhtar Hanka. He paid the bride price on behalf of the groom’s family and to show we are thieves, he paid cash...no cheques. Even the Imams I brought there on my bills frowned at the crispy notes but who are they? My good friend Senator Gaya was there and also Senator Maina with an Emir giving his blessings.
Why am I disturbing you when I am supposed to be consummating my bride.
“My Sweetest Angel!”
“Yes your Excellency,”
“Come and dress let me touch you like this and like that.”
“I am your slave your Excellency, my parents have sold me for a big price and I am just your slave.”
“Oh good girl, undress for me to handle you now my property,”
“Your Excellency, I am just 13...I am not yet mature, my breasts are still growing and my pubic hair is sprouting out. My Lord, please show mercy and let me grow and blossom to a woman please.”
“Are you crazy, come on remove that pant and let me do something, my Koboko is saluting here.”
“Your Excellency, are you not a senator that knows that you need to wait for five years for me to become legal?”
“Come on undress before I deal with you now, senator my foot, we only make rules for the elites and kill our people. I must have my way, I have bought you and all the women groups making noise should keep quiet because so many of them would even give their daughters to me, Undress!”
Sounds of scruples as clothes are removed.
Sniff…sniff
“Why are you crying my bride? I am your legitimate husband and will do my duties as one, open your legs!”
“Your Excellency please I am not mature!”
“Open your legs wider girl!”
“Your Excellency, I have 5 years to be able to do this…”
“Oh.you are too tight...a virgin...Better! Yawaaaa!”
“Your Excellency, it I paining me…”
“It is sweet to me as I am tearing your young innocent virgin body ohhhh”
Your Excellency, I am dying…
“I am coming alive….”
Yes. I have just disvrigined my bride. She is still bleeding and my other wives are taking care of her. I will be bombarding her till her small belly swells with a baby. I don’t care what the womenfolk say.”
“Yes, what is your problem?”
“VVF….that my wife might have Vesico Vagina Fistula. Those stupid wives that can’t give birth, that leak and smell? Of Course I know them; I sent them out of the town in Zamfara so their smell will not contaminate us.”
“What? That what I am doing to my bride may make her get VVF..if she gets VVF…I will send her packing to her parents and get another bride from Ethiopia..I have the money of the people and will get another one. My friend Andoaakkaaaaaa told me that Ethiopian girls are another treat. Let her get VVF and she is on her way out.”
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