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Nigeria Eagles, Simply Too Fat To Fly Or Play Soccer At WC 2010

June 23, 2010

Our verdict, they were unfit and not ready: - physically, mentally, psychologically, spiritually, emotionally and professionally; and to add insult to injury, they had an incompetent minder, himself another fatso, to chaperon their effort. Because of the hopeless ‘slow-motion’ performance put up at South Africa 2010 by the Nigeria Eagles, Icheoku, using the powers of a critic vested in us, hereby rename the Nigeria Eagles “Baba Ibeji Eagles!”.

Our verdict, they were unfit and not ready: - physically, mentally, psychologically, spiritually, emotionally and professionally; and to add insult to injury, they had an incompetent minder, himself another fatso, to chaperon their effort. Because of the hopeless ‘slow-motion’ performance put up at South Africa 2010 by the Nigeria Eagles, Icheoku, using the powers of a critic vested in us, hereby rename the Nigeria Eagles “Baba Ibeji Eagles!”.
But since they could not fly or soar like eagle, may be some flightless bird’s name will be preferred acronym, such as “Baba Ibeji Emus” or “Baba Ibeji Ostriches” or better still, “Baba Ibeji Penguins!”

Icheoku writes this sequel and final chapter on the Nigeria Eagles South Africa World Cup 2010 squad, maintaining that the root-cause of the abysmal failure of the team in South Africa is an incompetent coach Lars Lagerback and we hereby reiterate our earlier call to have him fired. In an earlier article published in Icheoku.com andSahara-reporters.com, titled” Eagles Coach Lars Lagerback, send him packing and back to Sweden", our position was made clear and long before yesterday's mediocre performance at Durban South Africa and nothing has changed to warrant a rethinking .

Many rejoinders and commentators alike harpooned Icheoku for daring to "jump the gun" on the fate of the Eagles, arguing that the Eagles still have an opportunity to qualify provided they beat South Korea. Some commentators even went personal and instead of attacking the article attacked the author (messenger), calling Icheoku, a fool for rushing to conclusions. We were tempted to fire back, but mindful of our existing editorial policy and age-long practice, we decided to just leave the thrown bone for the dogs to gnaw at; and boy, were they aplenty!

The problem with many a Nigerian is that he/she is not usually very proactive nor deploys readily his/her sensory perceptions beyond his immediate reachable periphery; or what does it take to figure out that the Eagles that made appearance in South Africa lacked flight, courage, bravery, motivation, push and were never driven. And these tail-tail ominous warnings were flashing red everywhere, except that most Nigerians would rather wait and see a person dead before they know that such person is dying or is about to die. Or what does it take for any discerning analytical mind to read the trajectory of the Eagles in South Africa 2010 World Cup as they exuded an ill-prepared and ill-motivated side, just playing for the heck of participation in the first ever world cup to be held in mother Africa; but never of the valor with which freedom and success are forged. It was an easily identifiable obvious that this particular Eagles was not ready for the prime-time that was South Africa World Cup 2010 will abort flight WC 2010 and sure they did as predicted. Thus it was the easiest thing to do, deciphering the moribund journey the Eagle as embarked on when they departed Abuja for South Africa 2010.

 After their first match with Lionel Messi, Icheoku called it for what it portends a journey to no where; then came the second match with the Greeks and it became a fait accompli that the eagles were going no where from the preliminary rounds. Some people cursed us out as pessimists; but nay we are not; we are but a bunch of analysts who do not have to foresee the answer to a question before we figure out the answer to a question asked.
Icheoku have seen Eagles of yester-years, both the Papa-Eagles and Junior(baby)-Eagles; but sure this bunch of "American NFL players" aren’t that brand of Eagles that Nigerians are used to: - the bunch who play their hearts out for the glory of motherland, bringing home soccer laurels, trophies and cups, to show for their effort. This bunch of weight-lifters, with an average estimated weight of about 220 pounds each, had feet of lead infused clay, that made them highly immobile and easily out-paced by the much nimble and more agile South Koreans. A South Korea which was never known for their soccer prowess but who with effort and determination, now made a name for themselves as the nation that ousted the Nigeria Eagles, eliminating them from the South Africa World Cup 2010 preliminary rounds. How about that Nigerians.

The absurdity of Nigeria's fall to the lowly rated footballing South Korea is so incomprehensible that Icheoku has refused to accept it as just an outcome of a game, and that it was in the stars. The matter was even made worse as the coach Lars Lagerback failed to keep his end of the bargain with the Maradona-led Argentines; whom he had boasted should do Nigeria the favor of just beating Greece and they delivered a 2-0 win over the kiths and kins of Socrates and Pluto and Aristotle. But an incompetent coach Lars Lagerback failed to on the bargain as he couldn't mobilize his boys, some of who are international soccer maestros, to win South Korea. One does not have to be a sorcerer or wizard or soothsayer or even hold a PhD in rocket science to intellectually predict the outcome of Nigeria elimination in the preliminary rounds, having watched this bunch of too-fat-to-play-football/soccer overweight men, heaving around the soccer pitch and panting like a marathon dog. It was not if but when they will be eliminated.

 A group of men who have no fire in their belly, no hunger in their stomach, no thirst in their throat, no swift in their legs, no speed in their brain, no drive in their system, no passion in their hearts to win or participate honorably in the first African hosted South Africa World Cup 2010. A bunch of lead-footed "sumo wrestlers" soccer players, who instead of trying out their hands in the American National Football League (NFL); where they truly and rightly belonged. Look at their necks, tree-trunks sized and you wonder how these water-buffaloes of soccer players, could endure the 90 minutes here and there sprint and pacing that playing football entails.

Leading the pack of these heavy-men, in the weight category, are Number 6 Daniel Shittu, Number 5 Afolabi Rabiu, Number 20 Dickson Etuhu, Number 8 Yakubu Aiyegbeni and of course Number 12 Kalu Uche. Icheoku asks where was their weight-watcher and fitness trainer that these men should balloon to such sizes with a soccer match of their life in the offing. Their physique presented an all American National Football League players, which also came between them and the $30,000 match bonus promised each one of them should they trump the Koreans. They were not moved by such handsome incentive and they lost the 30,000 US dollars too, thus maintaining a loosing streak which saw them not win any match throughout their short stint at South Africa World Cup 2010.

However Icheoku cannot end this piece, without special commendation to the man of the match, Kalu Uche for the opening goal and for all the effort he made throughout the game, including the kick that struck the goal-post. Also deserving mention is the captain of the team, Kanu Nwankwo, who was never allowed prior to this game, to captain his team in the world cup. Admitted he was not the silver bullet Nigeria expected, but hey, at least, he for once led his soldiers into battle against the South Koreans. That Yakubu Aiyegbeni missed a golden opportunity inside 2yards in front of a yawning goal mouth with a displaced goalkeeper waiting to retrieve the ball from inside the net was also beyond pale. Added to all these is the red-carded man of the Nigerian side, Sani Kaita, who is being wrongly blamed for the defeat suffered by Nigerians in the hands of the Greeks.

Of course, Coach Lars Lagerback deserves the front page banner for being the incompetent coach who led Nigerians to their worst international football outing ever. He should be immediately fired since he deserves nothing less. It is also instructive that unlike South Africa which also crashed out but not after defeating the French, a former world cup champions; Nigeria did not record any victory throughout their stay in the competition. Lastly, the amateurish performances of African countries in the tournament also debunked the myth of African juju, and questioned the efficacy of voodoo as both Ivory Coast and Cameroon, noted African science practitioners, were both roundly defeated. Another myth buster of the tournament is that 10 players are not as good as 11 players in a team, as the French scored their 1-goal with ten men and the Australians held back charging Argentines with ten men only; but for defeated Nigeria, Sani Kaita's red card is all to blame for their downfall. Talk about making excuses!

Concluding, Icheoku says since the fabled President Goodluck Jonathan's goodluck did not see Nigeria through in South Africa 2010, at least there is one thing he can help Nigeria do. Set a panel to probe the scandalous Nigeria's outing at and exit from South Africa 2010. Like the French is going to do with their dysfunctional national team that also crashed out of the competition, Nigeria should try to understand what happened with this Eagles shameful and hopeless outing at South Africa 2010. The objective is to avoiding a repeat of such monumental failure in the future; and in order to fix what is broken with football in the once football-rated country.

Nigeria should also draw a long term plan to institute a lasting and enduring football legacy in the country. But first of all, Nigeria should immediately fire the damn coach Lars Lagerback, force the chairman or administrator of Nigeria Football Authority to resign or be fired, and the Sports Minister, since he is relatively new at his desk, make him re-organize football in Nigeria. Then and only after then, will Nigeria begin to expect to have a new lease on their football. What a shameful outing to South Africa 2010 World Cup by this flock of flightless Eagles of Nigeria!


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