July 13, 2010
On the fiftieth year of the slavery of the tribe of the owners-but-not-partakers of black gold in the deep south, God gave ear to their cries and hearkened. And there was a man named Jona the teacher who was of the house of Fedora. And God came upon Jona in a dream and saith: “lo, I have seen the affliction of your people whose black gold hath been stolen these past fifty years to build other peoples’ tents; I have heard their cries on account of their taskmasters from the desert. Indeed, I know their sufferings and I have come down to deliver them from bondage and to place on their tongues the milk and honey that floweth out of the abundance of their land for the first time in their lives. So, come, I will send you to the city of the Rock in the land of the taskmasters of the desert and place you on the great throne from whence cometh all power.”And Jona fell on his face and saith: “my Lord and my God. Be it done to me according to thine will.” And the word of the Lord came to pass and Jona the teacher was indeed placed on the throne of power after death hath looked upon King Yaru of the tribe of the desert taskmasters who had gone to seek healing from the descendants of Ishmael. And there was great rejoicing among the tribe of the owners-but-not-partakers of black gold in the deep south for the hour of their redemption is indeed come. And they lifted up their eyes unto the mountains and sang:
We have overcome
We have overcome
We have overcome today
Oh deep in our hearts
We do believe
We have overcome today
And their leader, a fiery patriarch called Clarkodemus, saith unto the desert taskmasters of yore: “touch not Jona my annointed for who God hath blessed no man can curse!” And after the new King Jona had burnt a thousand offerings, the Lord appeared to him in a dream and saith: “because thou hast found favour in mine eyes and art now king, ask whatever you want and it shall be granted unto thee.”
And King Jona did obeissance and saith: “my Lord and my God, great indeed is thy faithfulness. You have been kind to me your servant by making me king and to my people in the deep south by giving us dominion over the black gold of our earth that was taken away for fifty years by our taskmasters from the desert. Therefore, I would have asked of thee wisdom and a discerning heart to rule over this 150 million people; I would have asked of thee knowledge to distinguish between right and wrong but, unfortunately, King Solomon already asked for all these things so many years ago before me.”
“My lord and my God, being my own man, I do not want to copy the requests of King Solomon. Seeing that my people in the deep south have suffered and never made merry in fifty years, I ask that you grant unto me 16.4 billion shekels of our inheritance from the black gold that I may bring forth musicians to play the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp and all kinds of music. King Solomon asked for wisdom. As for me and my household, we have decided to make merry.”
And the Lord saith unto Jona the King: “thou seeketh 16.4 billion shekels of thine inheritance to make music?” And Jona the King replied: “we shall also buy the best robes for our guests and we shall put rings on their hands and shoes on their feet. But if the size of my request meets with thine anger, pray, render unto me 10 billion shekels of my inheritance to make merry.”
And the Lord saith unto Jona the King: “thou seeketh 10 billion shekels of thine inheritance to make music and to buy robes and rings and shoes for thine guests?” And Jona the king saith unto the Lord: “we shall also kill the fatted calf and buy the best wine from the land of Cana. But I see wisdom in spending my inheritance carefully. Therefore, render unto me only 9.5 billion shekels that I may make merry.” But the Lord again saith unto him: “thou seeketh 9.5 billion shekels of thine inheritance to make merry?”
Whereupon King Jona’s heart hardened. Foolishness and pride took dominion over his mind. And he saith unto the Lord: “I cannot go lower. Pray, grant me 9.5 billion shekels of my inheritance for I must not tarry to merry. For unto everything is appointed a time, a time to dance and a time to drink.” And the Lord granted King Jona his wish. And there was great rejoicing among King Jona’s servants. And a palace servant named Orontolum the earth warrior opened his mouth and saith unto the people: “hear ye, hear ye, our dear King Jona is a listening King. For he has given ear to the voice of the people and we shall now make merry with only 9.5 billion shekels of our inheritance.”
And they made merry.
And nights passed. And mornings came. And life got worse for the tribe of the owners-but-not-partakers of black gold in the deep south even with their son as king; and nothing changed for the other people all over the rest of the land. And when a great famine and pestilence came upon the land, the people became agitated and cried up to the Lord: “give us another king.”
And King Jona rent his clothes and cried: “lo, I have sinned againt God and man. For I have squandered my inheritance on wine and music. Now pestilence and the abomination of desolation is come upon the land. I shall rise up now and go back to the Lord and say: “father I have come back home to you.
Naked I stand before you, a prodigal, like that great bard of the east before the watery presence of his Idoto. I am not worthy to be called your servant, let alone your son. Pray, grant me but a second chance and I shall make right that which I made wrong.”
And He who answereth by fire and visits the iniquities of wayward fathers upon their sons summoned his angels and saith: “take this unworthy Jona away from my sight and cast him into the belly of the biggest whale in the deepest part of the Dead Sea and seal the mouth of the whale this time. For it was given unto this foolish man to choose wisdom and discernment to rule over 150 million people but he asked to make merry instead. It is meet that I condemn him like I condemned he who spared king Agag when opportunity was bestowed on him. For Jona was found and asked to be lost, he was given life but he asked for death. So let it be written, so let it be done.”
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