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A Vote Of Thanks By Sonala Olumhense

Ladies and Gentlemen, Thank you for this opportunity.  Fifty years!  Who would ever have imagined it?  Fifty years of our nationhood, and I am standing here in a position of honour.  

Ladies and Gentlemen, Thank you for this opportunity.  Fifty years!  Who would ever have imagined it?  Fifty years of our nationhood, and I am standing here in a position of honour.  

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So emm…I would like to thank Nollyw…I mean, my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.  He and He alone brought us this far, you know.

He silenced our enemies, and put political po…I mean, put the pounded yam and bush meat in our mouths.  And He did that, you know, because He knows that we are wonderful people.  He did that because He knew that we deserve this glory.

Think about it: He delivered the children of Israel through 40 years in the wilderness.  He delivered them through hunger and pain and the cold of night.  He delivered them from Pharoah and his chariots and charioteers.  He parted the Red Sea for his people

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And so it is for us here.  He parted the Red Sea of this country’s naysayers for us, the People’s Democratic Party.  That means we are the People, his people: we are De and Mo and Cra and Tic!  And we are the Party, the one and only party, Africa’s biggest! We are the one and the only PDP.

And so let me thank all those people who have followed us and made us the strongest and best.  We were destined to rule over this country.  We are ruling this country.  We are going to be ruling this country for 100 years.  We can rule for the entire millennium.

All the people who are following us, the people who help us win elections, those that help us with emm…emm…ballot papers…I mean, ballots, I thank you all.  As you can see, wherever we contest, we win.  Wherever and whenever we are challenged, we triumph.

We know that some people do not like us.  They are the jealous ones.  They want what we have.

They say we rig elections.  They say we switch ballot boxes.  They say we buy Electoral Commissioners.  They say we sell Police Commissioners.  They say we reap where we have not sown.  

No, we say.  We know they are just jealous because God is on our side.  We win election after election because power is given to us.  

This is a united party.  Even when we argue, we still own everything because God is on our side and He wants us to rule forever.  Our party is the party of God.  We know God loves a winner because Jesus said we must give unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s.  And we know Caesar is in charge.  He is in control.  We are Caesar, and authority is in our hands.  They should give unto us what is our due.

If you want proof, look around.  Everybody wants to identify with us.  Britain, France, and the United States: they are on our side.  India and China are struggling to invest in our economy.  South Africa began the trial of one of our enemies in court even before we opened our mouths to ask.

We know there are some people within our party who are not happy.  They are appalled that things are not being done their way.  Well, that is not unusual.  The problem is when you forget that things cannot always be done your way, or that things were once done only your way.  So let us thank our members that are reasonable, and honour our supporters at home and abroad.

Furthermore, we invite those who are not with us to join us.  Who does not want to be a winner?  Who does not want to be in the majority?  

Our motto is, “Food is ready.”  When food is announced, that means you are invited.  You do not have to be hungry anymore.  Why do you want to continue to labour and suffer?  Join us and eat.  Join us and the fruit of the earth is yours.  

Join us and you do not have to fear.  If you are loyal, nobody will ever treat you like a stranger again.  Policemen will be sent to guide you and your family.  Kidnapping and armed robbery and road accidents are not for those who are among us.  If you are one of us and you offend the law, it will never be investigated.  If it is investigated, we will make sure that either the investigation never ends, or that it serves only public relations purposes.  

If you join us, journalists will never ask you embarrassing questions; even if they do, their bosses will make sure the story sees neither the break of day, the ink of website, or the glory of airtime.

That is why I must thank those journalists who continue to work with us.  They know bread is useless if there is no butter.  Our side provides the butter with which they eat their bread. If you join us, you will enjoy their company at night, and their protection in the day.   

I want to thank every Nigerian who understands that the power of this country is its belief in our ability to come together in this party and do things for each other.  I know that people say we have not addressed the issues of poverty and insecurity and development.

That is not true.  Look around.  Only those who are against us are poor or insecure or undeveloped.  There is nobody who is with us and who is loyal who does not have property in Abuja, or two or three registered companies through which we can help him.

There is nobody who is with us who does not have a home or two in his state capital and in his village, and in Lagos.  People are doing very well in Jersey, in Dubai, in London, and in Maryland, United States.  

Actually, it is possible that there are one or two such people, but that is where we come in: we can change that.  When food is ready, it is your turn.  You can travel with us; you can enjoy the best executive travel and handsome estacodes.  You can enjoy the best hotels; continental and international cuisine of your definition; the choicest champagnes from the best vineyards in France.

And yes, there is the development question, but remember, Rome was not built in one day.  We will get there. We will develop infrastructure, education, agriculture, and industry.  We are going to be ruling for many years, and there is time to consider various problems.  We are going to build this country from the ground up, but we must avoid the tendency to rush.  

In our party, there is no corruption, despite what our detractors say.  That is why people are hardly ever in trouble.  Detractors and naysayers are the only problem we have.  

For now, we have demonstrated our seriousness by extending to our friends the benefits of family.  As for everyone else, they must be patient.  It is a big country, and we are only 50 years old.  There is plenty of time.  I thank you all.

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