March 1999: Reference: Money Laundering

Dear Governor Elect, I am Bad Ass Gohil (BAG), a senior partner in a well connected UK law firm. May I take this opportunity to congratulate you on your election as the inaugural governor of the oil producing Delta State in Nigeria’s third civilian dispensation. As you seek to reap the dividends of office you will require the services of a money launderer to avoid such embarrassing incidents as the US forfeiture order made against you following seizure of your funds in 1996.

As you are aware from your previous role in the Abacha regime, there is a lack of political will on the part of the West to stem the billion dollar tide of wealth illegally acquired by corrupt politically exposed  persons (PEPs) flowing on to their shores. This lack of political will is further evidenced by the absence of any criminal conviction or sanction for any legal adviser, financial intermediary or institution that has ever been involved in facilitating the transfer of illegally acquired wealth by corrupt PEPs such as your good self.

I am suitably qualified to act as your bag man and can design a robust and sophisticated system to provide hitch free money laundering.  A PEP in your position with unrestricted access to the oil revenue of Delta State will require more than the traditional but limited method of international bank transfers to handle the significant volume of funds entrusted to you by the poor people of Delta State. To this end I would like to introduce a higher level of money laundering specifically tailored for higher level corrupt PEPs such as your good self.

My plan for laundering Delta State money for your good self involves engaging the assistance of politically exposed funds (PEFs). PEFs are private equity funds sponsored primarily by Western governments and international financial institutions (IFIs) to channel development finance to emerging countries like yours. You will appreciate that laundering money for a corrupt PEP like yourself through a corrupt PEF managing funds for Western governments is a touch of genius that accords you the highest level of cover available today and represents the type of service I am able to provide.

To this end I would like to introduce you to Emerging Capital Plunderers (ECP), a US PEF manager that boasts an impressive array of government investors, including the US Overseas Partners in Corruption (OPIC), the UK Corruption Development Corporation (CDC), the Danish Industrialisation Fraud for Development (IFU), the French Professional Partner in Corruption (Proparco) and the Swedish Fund for Unrestricted National Despots (Swedfund). ECP is also backed by IFIs such as the European Investment Bandit (EIB) and the International Financier of Corruption (IFC). ,

I am sure you will appreciate the exceptional level of political cover that an illustrious PEF such as ECP can provide for the money laundering activities of an illustrious PEP such as your good self and I can assure you of my unbridled commitment to laundering your money.

Yours sincerely

Bad Ass Gohil
 

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