• When did you really start worrying about Ebola?  (Be honest)
  • In April, when Information Minister Labaran Maku claimed that Nigeria was fully prepared and had all the necessary vaccines to combat the disease.
  • When you realised that people like you were actually dying of the Ebola Virus disease.
  • When you noticed that none of the black Ebola victims who went from Africa to the United States for treatment had survived.

 

  • How much money is missing from the Federation Account in Nigeria?
  • US$20,000,000,000.00
  • Ten billion United States dollars
  • NOT A SINGLE KOBO!
  • It depends …
  • My Independent Auditor knows the answer but I’m not going to tell you!

 

  • Match the Presidential statement to the terrorist outrage:

(a) “The president reassured Nigerians that the government remains determined to put an end to the scourge of terrorism and that he is very optimistic that at the end of the day Nigerians will get over this particular problem”

(b) "President Jonathan assures all Nigerians that [the] government remains fully committed to winning the war against terror

(c) “He assures residents of *** and all other Nigerians that the Federal Government will continue and further intensify its ongoing efforts to effectively curb the menace of terrorism in the country.”

(d) Nigerian President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan condemned the attack and reiterated the government’s determination to “continue to take every step to put an end to the reprehensible acts of all groups and persons involved in acts of terrorism.”

…………

(i) 28th November 2014 bombing in Kano

(ii) 20th May 2014 bombing in Jos

(iii) 13th April 2014 bombing in Abuja

(iv) July 23rd 2014 bombing in Kaduna

 

  • When did you last see your father?
  • April 2014
  • December 2014

    4b. Where exactly are you?

  • Somewhere north and/or south and east of Sambisa Forest
  • Somewhere in London, United Kingdom

       4c. And are you:

  • A Chibok Girl?
  • A Presidential child?

 

  • Name the impersonator(s)  (Be discerning)
  • Person claiming to be Wendel Simlin on Twitter
  • Persons claiming to be Chibok parents at a meeting with the First Lady Dame Patience Jonathan
  • Persons claiming to be intermediaries negotiating a cease-fire between Boko Haram and the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

 

  • Which of these statements have NOT been ascribed to Alhaji Asari Dokubo:
  • “My support for Jonathan will be biased, because charity begins at home. Monkey no fine, but im mama like am. Goodluck, na my person. 2015 is already a settled matter. Goodluck Jonathan would be President in 2015.”
  • “But with how things are going under Jonathan’s watch, we are afraid that we may not be able to have our eight years tenure because there will be no magic about it if it is going to be one man one vote.”
  • “The president will win. There is no other option. If they contest they are wasting their time.”
  • “… there are mandatory two tenures in the constitution, … Jonathan must complete them or else he no go fit come home”.

 

  • What is the name of the man said to have been killed:
  • By the Nigerian Army in July 2009
  • By the Nigerian Army in August 2013
  • By the Cameroonian Army in September 2014
  • By the Nigerian Army in September 2014

(Try not to be confused.)

 

  • How much oil have you got, and how much are you selling it for?

 

  • What is the most productive thing you can do with N1,000 in Nigeria?  Please rank in order of productivity:
  • Buy an application form for recruitment into the Nigerian Immigration Service.
  • Spend it trying to collect a refund on your application form for recruitment into the Nigerian Immigration Service.
  • Set fire to it.
  • When is the best time to make up with President Goodluck Jonathan?
  • When the party you laboured to build welcomes some new big man and squeezes you out into the cold (and you can become a Minister of, say … Education).
  • When you lose your party primaries and are threatening to make trouble (and you can become Minister of, say … Defence).
  • When the EFCC moves your file from “under investigation” to “active prosecution”.
  • When, in the middle of a bunch of court cases in which you’re suing him for sacking you from your job, you unexpectedly become an influential traditional ruler (and suddenly, all that Jonathan stuff just seems so irrelevant).

 

  • Are you in the same political party that you were in at the beginning of the year?  If not, is that because:
  • You made a principled decision based on a consideration of the ideology, programmes and performance of your former party with the ideology, programmes and performance of your new party?
  • You made a principled decision based on a consideration of the ideology, programmes and performance of your former party with the ideology, programmes and performance of your new party after your bid to become a candidate of your old party failed at the primaries?
  • You made a principled decision based on a consideration of the ideology, programmes and performance of your former party with the ideology, programmes and performance of your new party and your new party promised to make you a Minister or at least its candidate?
  • Your old party made a strategic decision to ally with others and form yet another mega-party?
  • Your old party didn’t win?
  • Your old party “can’t win”?
  • Your “oga at the top” changed party and you changed with him?
  • After all, “Man must wack now!”?

(Be realistic.)

 

  • Why are you going to vote for a different political party in 2015?

 

  • Why are you going to vote for the same political party in 2015?

 

Answers: See page 94.

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