Wednesday, 19 June 2013
Democtionary: Defining Our Democratic Lexicon
Since the return of civilian rule in 1999, Nigerians have been treated with several words, phrases and sentences by all organs of our government. A humorous, but realistic, definition of the common terms in our everyday’s polity is presented here to keep soul and body together in a society where our politicians have totally kept the body and soul disintegrated.
Budget: Money already spent by the government.
Cabal: The untouchable men and women around the president.
Committee/Panel: A body constituted by government to produce paper for its archives.
Consensus Candidate: Somebody impose on a party as a candidate.
Constituency Allowance: Money paid to legislators for doing nothing.
Contractor: A front used by government to loot state treasury.
Corruption: The primary and most important function of those who govern us.
Democracy Dividends: A self-praise word used by Nigerian politicians to euphemistically insult the masses.
Democratic Experiment: Used by Nigerian politicians to cover up their incompetence and corruption.
Deputy Governor/Vice president: A person appointed to take orders from a first lady.
Election: A ceremonious exercise to confirm an already selected candidate.
Election tribunals: A means by judges and lawyers to have their own constituency allowance.
Electoral Promises: A list of things a politician will never do.
Ex-: A prefix which shows that someone once looted the treasury.
Excess Crude Account: Oil money being saved for the president, the 36 state governors and the 774 local government chairmen.
Executives: Those thieves who are supposed to be executed but are managing our affairs. They are better known as “Executhieves.”
First Children: The prodigal and usually immoral children of a governor or the president.
First Lady: The actual deputy to a president or a governor.
Governor Forum: A powerful cult of 36 state oppressors where self-interest is discussed more than governance.
Governor: The chief oppressor of a state.
Judiciary: The arm of the government which the other arms rely on to empty our treasury, because its members get their shares too. It is better known as Judi-sharing
Legislator: A group of people who back the looting of the nation by law in the name of democracy. They are better known as legislooters.
Look into: When government uses this phrasal verb, it is actually saying it is doing nothing about the situation.
Marginalization: A word used by individual or group to indicate that they have not had a share of the national cake.
Militants: A criminal organization resulting from long years of government neglect of a vital section of the society-the youth.
National Cake: The commonwealth of the people controlled by a few charlatans.
Nascent democracy: A term used by our politicians to mean: “ leave us alone to continue our looting.”
Offshore-Onshore Dichotomy: A phrase many Nigerians do not know the meaning, just as the 36 governors who used it to fight over resource allocation.
On top of the Situation: When this phrase is used by the Nigeria security outfit or government official, it actually means the maximum damage has been done.
Opposition Party: A party which aids the ruling PDP for election victory.
Party Executives: Errand boys of the president or state governors.
PDP: Corruption in all forms. It is the biggest factory of the industry known as politics.
Politician: A person you should never trust. Not everyone who stands for elections is a politician by the way.
Politics: The only paying industry in Nigeria.
Poverty Alleviation Programme: A scheme to generate funds for government thugs.
Powerful Female Minister/Commissioner: This term suggests another relationship between the female minister/commissioner and the president/governor or the person who recommends her for appointment.
Power Generation Project: A scheme used by the government to produce more darkness.
Presidential Spokeman: An ex-critic, usually a journalist, appointed by government to misinform the public.
Rigging: A word that describes Nigeria’s perfect election
Senators: A group of comedian and notorious old men.
Special Advisers or Assistant: A reward for a stupid and sycophantic loyalist to a governor or president.
State House Of Assemblies: A group of dunce who think they are appointee of a state governor.
Traditional Rulers: Someone who spend more time in government house than in the palace.
Youth Empowerment Program: A scheme use by government to recruit thugs.