The Neighbourhood He-Goat And The Presidency

By OLUGU OLUGU ORJI

I’m not certain if ‘he-goat’ is proper English, but if you’re African or Nigerian, you must know what I’m talking about. And if you had the privilege of growing up in a village setting like I did, then the concept of the neighbourhood male goat or billy goat won’t be far-fetched.

Growing up in a village like Elu Ohafia was so much fun. Despite the deprivation and disruptions occasioned by the civil war, my people soon re-adapted to living according to the rhythms of life. Communal activities flowed with the seasons; with everyone playing their part in this endless continuum.
Long before environmental militants arrived on the scene, my people knew and practiced environmental sustainability.

Among the duties assigned to me as a child was the care of the nanny- or she-goats.
The family grand matriarch, Mma Oyidiya had comprehensively tutored me on the choice of where the goats should be tethered. They must be tied where there is ample sunlight and food. And they had to be tied in such a manner that, in the process of moving, they do not strangulate.
Secondly, they must be tied in a location that makes for easy access by the neighbourhood he-goat that was usually permitted to move from one homestead to another getting all the nanny goats pregnant!

So each morning, I did my duty by securing the goats in suitable locations and dragging them back in at the end of the day. I didn’t have to bother about the he-goat doing its duties because it usually did. Five months or so afterwards, the birth of a kid or two was incontrovertible evidence that it did its bit. And in all my years as a domestic goatherd, the he-goat never failed to perform its noble role.

There are qualities of the he-goat I have always found both intriguing and interesting.  Its signature odour, impressive work rate and sexy caller tune.
Long before you set eyes on it, that characteristic effluvium and celebrated caller tune arrive first: in that order. And long after it’s gone, the he-goat leaves ample, incontrovertible evidence of its visitation.  

I’m aware the he-goat is not exactly associated with virtue in many climes. To call a man a he-goat is to make an instant enemy of him. Personally though, I love and admire the he-goat: body odour and all. That’s one animal that knows precisely why it’s around and employs the powers vested in it to get the job done. Often hated, harried and harassed, it will defy all odds to ensure the seed is planted. When it runs away, it is only to retool for another go at its bitter-sweet lifework. Isi-ewu and Nkwobi addicts and enthusiasts have the he-goat to thank for ensuring, by its dogged tenacity, that these famed delicacies continue to feature on the menu.

I would have titled this piece, ˝ The President as a he-goat, ˝ but I wanted to avoid being accused of deliberate deprecation of Mr. President’s libido: a matter I know absolutely nothing about. Sometime ago, I wrote a piece around the Presidency where I employed the metaphor of an ass. Some roundly berated me for calling the President an ass! No. I’m not, by any stretch, calling my President a he-goat.
Lately though, I’ve been wishing he’d start acting like one.

Everybody cannot love the President. Fact is, the President who is intent on tackling Nigeria’s hydra-headed ills will be much hated and maligned by those who benefit from the stifling status quo. Among this inglorious gang are prominent personalities and even so-called partner nations. All efforts to impress them are exercises in utter futility. Instead of wasting time currying their favour, the President must focus on delivering on the promise of generating fresh air to save the masses of Nigerians from economic asphyxiation. In the final analysis, what will stand the President in good stead is the improvement of the lot of the average Nigerian: not how many awards garnered or lucre cornered.
The he-goat is not much adored and admired but it gets the job done. So should a President.

Kings are not usually given to verbosity and flippancy. Yet, when they do speak, their words are like law that cannot be questioned. All documents that bear their imprimatur are treated with requisite sacredness and immutability. Like the he-goat, a President’s voice must ring clear and shouldn’t be mistaken for any other’s.      Whenever and however he elects to speak, there should little doubt about intent and resolve. A situation where many are falling over themselves purporting to speak for him only engenders confusion. And when rebuttals and clarifications are thrown into the already murky mix, disbelief and cynicism only heighten.

Finally, anyone who aspires to succeed as Nigeria’s President must be a workaholic. There are far too many things to be done; and most of those should have been dealt with yesterday. The job of administering Nigeria is not an eight-hours-a-day, forty-hours-a-week jamboree. It’s not for the lily-livered, physically challenged, mental misfit. The garrulous and gluttonous are better kept far away from the precinct of the Presidency.
Barrack Obama assumed the US Presidency as a dashing young man. Today, he’s aged and grayed considerably. That’s what effective leading should do to people.
I don’t know whether he-goats can have intestinal ulcers. It shouldn’t be surprising if they do. It will be heart-warming to learn the President has just developed ulcer (the treatable type; that is)!

So Mr. President, it’s entirely up to you now. Before you are the many nanny goats confirmed to be on heat: just aching and dying for you to plant the seed. I don’t think your virility is in question.

And five months isn’t such a long time to put the matter beyond argument.

Do have a merry Christmas and I hope and pray 2013 won’t be as disaster-ridden as 2012!

OLUGU OLUGU ORJI 
oluguorji@yahoo.com

 

The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect the editorial policy of SaharaReporters
 

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he goat

digital analytical analyzer

TUNDEMESS the lost and found he goat of buhari

Was your mentor Buhari not with Abacha when Ken Saro Wiwa was hanged? Show us where he pleaded with his late boss Abacha to spare the life of Ken among other Ogonis that he hanged? Did 9jas including the press which Buhari tried to destroy, not call for his release from jail? Who else is to be blamed among the clowns you mentioned apart from Awo and Gani? Rather have yr likes heap all the blame on Jonah, ask Buhari to tell us what he did what our oil money while in PTF? Can a sane man erect mansions all over abuja, aware we do not have water, roads, electricity and schools-not to talk of health institutions? Yet u built a federal capital territory-while millions of 9jas are starving? Instead of using the resources of the ppl of the SS to transform the zone as directed by the Brits, u want to lie yr way to 2015-Dickson advisers are from the 3 old regions-not even from bayelsa

HE-GOAT

An he-goat has balls,this guy has to grow or find his balls and build a spine.He is surrounded by people that tells him what he wants to hear not what he NEEDS to hear.There is a difference.

"HE-GOAT N WHAT DERI'S REACTION"

Deri, read the piece again and again. I think the writer was pro-jonathan in this piece or should I say he more or less was encouraging GEJ to focus on developing Nigeria and its people. I am afraid you didnt digest the piece before commenting on it and its author. OR perhaps, blinded by your hate of the IGBO people or IBOs.

The Igbos call He goats-Ewu-are members Boko haram he goats?

Happy d baby pancake article was penned by an Igbo man from the SE where Buhari picked 2 (He Goats) as his VPs in 2003 and 2007-late Okadigbo and Umezeoke. The (He goats) Buhari hired cause of their so called population, could not deliver him and his boko haramic message to D nooks and crannies of 9ja-may be because of the stench coming from the anus of the (He Goat). So Some were not opportuned to share in the prison experience of Buhari. You know there is something about prison-and the civil war syndrome. Which many of our writers suffer from these days. Often resulting in making dem display symptoms of (lynch mentality) like Buhari. These are ailments which helps to increase your level of hatred for the oily creek whale in Aso rock, if not detected and cured on time. That is why D writer and the He goats around him which the Igbos call (Ewu) needs our pity not condemnation! Cheer and Merry exmas to all the He goats in boko-haram

I wish to correct your

I wish to correct your correction...A cockerel does not ensure we have eggs on the table! Layers ensure we have eggs on the table... And FYI, cockerels do not inseminate the female birds... If they did, the eggs laid will eventually hatch. A layer will lay eggs regardless of the presence of a cockerel or not. The difference is whether the egg will be fertile or not... So in summary, the cockere doesn't ensure we have eggs on the table QED

re neighbourhood he-goat

That is a lovely piece. I have read it over and over again. Erudite job which conveys the message and the wise understand but the fool will hardly digest. Well done!

The He goat is presido while the donkeys blames his chi daily

Happy d baby pancake article was penned by an Igbo man from the SE where Buhari picked 2 (He Goats) as his VPs in 2003 and 2007-late Okadigbo and Umezeoke. The (He goats) Buhari hired cause of their so called population, could not deliver him and his boko haramic message to all the nooks and crannies of 9ja-may be because of the stench coming from the anus of the (He Goat). Some were not opportuned to share in the prison experience of Buhari. You know there is something about prison-and the civil war syndrome. Which many of our writers suffer from these days. Often resulting in making dem display symptoms of (lynch mentality) like Buhari. These are aliments which helps to increase your level of hatred for the oily creek whale in Aso rock if not detected and cured on time. That is why D writer and the He goats around him which the Igbos call (Ewu) needs our pity not condemnation! Cheer and Merry exams

I find the metaphor of a he

I find the metaphor of a he goat absolutely distasteful and dishonorable. This is the PON you are talking about, A cockerel may have been a more appreciable imagery. It is devoid of the effluvium and miasma reminiscent of a he goat but it does the job of making sure you have eggs on your breakfast table.

Thanks

Interesting piece. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. GEJ wants Nigeria to work. Sincerely he means well. He wants to fix the country. At the same time, he is afraid of offending his political benefactors who stand in the way of progress through corrupt practices and resistance to reforms. GEJ lacks the courage to take on such people, so his adminstration takes one step forward and two backwards. His transformation agenda has since run into a hitch cos of corruption. CORRUPTION is reason PHCN can't be fixed, refineries dont work; Police is inefficient; it's the reason the Ports are congested; it's the reason NITEL is dead; it's the reason universities are moribund; it's the reason roads are pot-holed; the reason airpots don't function; it's the reason there is oil theft; it's the reason the civil service is inefficient. So, I don't understand how GEJ thinks he can fix Naija's problem without tackling corruption. I feel sad but not disappointed by GEJ cos I predicted it.

DERI the he-goat ... your response please !!!

I can hardly wait to read the response of that authentic he-goat known as Deri to this piece. Will any of his cut and paste, ready made rejoinders foot this bill? It is a waiting game.

@akpos1 ... looks like this is a patriotic article from the United States of SE & SS. Hahahaha !!! Joker.