Thursday, 20 June 2013
Public Stoning: Would You Stone Jonathan Or Sylva? By Sunday Njokede
If you compare the positive practical developments in Lagos and Edo States as against the backward barbaric Old Stone Age civilisation in Bayelsa State; the need to stone all former governors of Bayelsa arises immediately. And to achieve that aim, the ‘Occupy Nigeria’ have just captured Jonathan and Sylva and put them up for public stoning.
Furthermore the organisers have imported quality subsidised stones for stoning both former governors of Bayelsa. The reasons for importing subsidised stones was one, for Nigerians to have enough stones – two, local stone production fell short of supply. Some are blaming the stone cabal for the shortage while others are saying it is due to lack of electricity.
If you think that Taliban and Boko Haram are the only ones who promote public stoning, you are damn wrong. Even president Jonathan is a pro-stoning advocate. Follow me as I narrate the whole story to you in living colour.
Yes. Bayelsa State has been living rough since its creation. All ex-governors who piloted her since 1999 are guilty of official negligence and bad performance. They raced the State to rotten bottom.
And as if that is not enough, the damning ways and means Jonathan is manning our statecraft in Abuja put him in a special stone-worthy position. That is why Nigerians have to decide who gets stoned between Jonathan and Sylva. The stoning squad has to be somewhat democratic and partly Taliban.
I can’t wait for Occupy Nigeria to line up the stones and declare the Stoning Squad open in Bayelsa State. I might need a slingshot or catapult for effectiveness. Some people prefer Abuja for this National event. Others are saying an outright military firing squad would do. They contend that Occupy Nigeria and ordinary stoning spree is too feminine. It’d not send a strong message to those who loot and abuse power and position of trust. Come to think of it, firing squad or stoning squad – anything, would do in this era where EFCC and other corruption agencies are in a sleeping mood conniving. Plus Jega’s INEC looking the other way whilst non-performing PDP governors and co., continue to win elections as if in horror and fantasy movies.
Somebody is going six-feet tonight. I mean this fictional and literary. Don’t get me wrong. Remember the ‘... I shot the sheriff but I didn’t shoot the deputy’ song of Bob Marley? Never mind Bob Marley for now. We’re not doing any shooting here but stoning two former sheriffs of Bayelsa State: Jonathan and Sylva.
We applaud Occupy Nigeria for giving us the support and swagger to stone Jonathan and Sylva. If this trend continues, we might just have the opportunity to stone public officers each time they err. The National Assembly should be of good cheer and take cue from president Jonathan in legalising stoning of public officers in line with what Occupy Nigeria is doing. Last week in Bayelsa State, President Jonathan had raised the bar of public stoning as he taunted Sylva like this “... I was here in this place some months ago and Bayelsans stoned the governor.” That is, after he accused ex-governor Sylva for non performance.
I know you have had bellyful of the sadism and corruption which the cabal class inflict on man and country.
After all said and done, we are now here in the stoning venue kudos to Occupy Nigeria organisers. Jonathan and Sylva are standing there before you. In this case, who would you stone, Jonathan or Sylva? Do the stoning now! The choice is yours and the stones are plenty subsidised. Those who need catapult for grandiose result should put up their hands. OK!