Reuben Abati's Assignment Unattended: The Episode By O'Law

The scene opens with President Jonathan sitting on the presidential couch at Aso Rock. He presses his handkerchief severally around his face to absorb sweats sprouted by the tiring speech jobs of the day.

Some eminent visitors have been busy about his office, while some are still waiting with hears closely fixed to the direction of the president's office to hear 'next' for their own opportunity.
President Jonathan relieves his head of his hat as the door opens with Mr. Reuben Abati, his spokesperson approaching the President's desk with his new, black, ground pelting shoes.

Keys:

Abati: Dr. Reuben Abati
GEJ: President Goodluck Jonathan

The Conversation:

GEJ: Any progress?
Abati: we are making progress, sir.

GEJ: I wish it were possible to have you do all my public addresses for me!
Abati: Why sir?

GEJ: It's just not easy to deliver speeches everywhere I go. (Sneezes)
I wasn't told the job of a President in Nigeria is to address this and
address that all the day.
Abati: Well, but you're coping sir.

GEJ: And I just wish the first lady were able to address Nigerians well
Abati: Just some patience. She'll cope. I will make sure we tutor her
properly on her use of English language. You'd notice she's improving
of late.

GEJ: Just for once, did you ever think out the real reason I gave you this job?
Abati: Well, I guess you wanted me to contribute my intelligence to
your administration to catalyze the process of development. And that
is why I accept it, just in case you'd like to know, sir.

GEJ: Not exactly. I err... (Sniffs) thought you were the voice of the
people with the reports you always fired on the editorial pages of
Guardian
Abati: Of course it's no other than me, sir. I am still the people's
voice in Nigeria

GEJ: So, I had thought it would end the era of critic commentaries and
that your readers will still be your fans while you work with us here
Abati: Well, things just have to play that way sometimes, but they're
already recovering from the blow it landed on them when they heard
that I have taken up the job. I convinced the masses that it is my
opportunity to serve my father land. And that is it, they swallowed
it!

GEJ: Did you know that we actually know what to do in government, but
we only have to play some jokers around? It is not your job, Mr.
Abati, to speak what I have not sent you. You can't advise me and you
can't think for me.
Abati: Sir...

GEJ: Listen... listen. All those special advisers you see there don't
have any special job than to wake up in the morning, call to say 'good
morning Mr. President' and find out if I have eaten and healthy. I
have nothing to do with their advice, even if they will offer one. My
well being is their well being. So, they make my security their
businesses.
Abati: That's not abnormal

GEJ: Since you took up this job, we've lost more supporters instead of
grow them. Those who read you then have moved online to source their
news and I realize I made a great mistake bringing you in. I should
have allowed you to stay in the media and continue doing your
literature.
Abati: Sounds more like I'm not relevant in the system anymore. Are
you regretting your action, sir?

GEJ: The major part of the job I expected you to do is to help buy up
those online bloggers since they are journalists like you. They have
constituted a great problem for my administration. They'll stir
anarchy in the name of investigative journalism.
Abati: Those disgruntled elements? Bear no attention please. They have no jobs

GEJ: But what have you been able to do about it since? I asked you to
name the price and let's either take down that SaharaReporters site or
pay them off.
Abati: The first option is most likely expedient. I'll not subscribe
to paying them. Even Past administrations attempted those boys, but
not all of them yielded. Especially that Sowore, he is too stubborn.
He had the effrontery to go as far as publishing the picture of former
president in his privacy while the boy was just playing with gun and
some naira notes. I guess that Sahara guy is suffering from poverty
and he can never live large. You need to see him. He wears shirts and
trousers with barely polished local beads around his neck, always. He
must be doing some juju, I spot

GEJ: I suspect he's being used by oppositions. Those ACN rascals must
be paying him, but just convince him to listen to me. I'll pay him
more...
Abati: I said; he's a poverty ridden fellow and can never understand
what it means to be in money. I don't think he yields to the
oppositions either because last time at the London School of
Economics, he queried Fashola as to the owner of Alpha Beta and how
much it gulps monthly. Fashola was caught unawares and he only managed
to escape the question. He was also asking about how Fashola develops
Rich people's area in Lagos and 'ghetorized' Poor people's end.
Fashola, as much as he tolerates people, went berserk that day

GEJ: who then is his pay master?
Abati: That's why I said he's only a fool in poverty.

GEJ: What about using those guyz at 234next to write against his own reports?
Abati: Dele Olojede is another craze man o. He doesn't even understand
the business of news print. He turns brown envelop offers and that's
why his paper folded company. Maybe he thinks that we depend on the
readers' token. The real sources of income for news outfits in Nigeria
are Advertisements and Brown envelops. Without these, no paper will
survive. The readers' money will only cover some miscellaneous.

GEJ: So, you don't know how we can do anything? You give too many
excuses. What do you think you are in this job for? Common, go out
there and reach those boys. Okay? I give you three months. Send
persons to them, invite them, host programs that will bring all
journalists together including those online bloggers, entertain and
pay them and do all you can.
Abati: Ha

GEJ: Yes
Abati: Ha

GEJ: Yes. Go now

(GEJ's phone rings and it is OBJ alerting him that he's near the door.
GEJ walks near the door to collect his visitor as Abati bows his head
to leave)