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Nigerian Presidential Debate - GEJ Making Lame Excuses

Nigeria is a bundle of contradictions - a fertile ground for eternal belief in democracy, where all hopes for democractic progress go to die. It has even been said in "respectable" quarters that the very nature of electioneering and democracy is alien to us. Some "respected" elders have postulated that Nigerians are governable only by someone with a "iron fist". Nevertheless, Nigeria and Nigerians have consistently chosen to partake in the the commity of nations and we have continued to forge along, tottering on unsteady legs, weaving and bobbing.

Soyinka's Poem On Racism

Happy Birthday Prof. Wole Soyinka: In celebration of your wit and literary mischief, I am hereby reproducing, what I personally regard as your best poem, "Telephone conversation".
I read this poem in school, but it was only when I arrived the UK that its naked facts and mischievous truth on racism hit me, according to you, on my "peroxide blond" palms.

Nigeria: Donald Duke. An Eureka moment? (S)elections And Smoking Guns…

Donald Duke - a former state governor in Nigeria used to intrigue me. Intrigue in the context that I know so little of him not having visited Cross Rivers, or in fact anywhere in the East beyond Benin City, yet he comes across as a pretty privileged model, compared to the rest of his crew - political gangsters that run - or used to run the show in Nigeria.
The most enduring recollection of Donald Duke I have is one of him performing the welcoming speech of that ill-fated Miss World contest that Silverbird Entertainment group was hosting back in the day.

Felasophical Views On Femi Kuti – Broadway Deception

A basic Aikido philosophy states that the strength  is not in muscular force, but in flexibility, timing, control and modesty, its humanitarian purpose is to purify one’s aggressive reactions to conflicts of ego, “But people will say Femi, you don’t take the kind of risks Fela took…” this witty statement by Omoyele Sowore, that was meant to be followed by a question, will lead to a (no)interview with the son of the Afrobeat legend, Femi Kuti at the Fela! Broadway performance in New York.

In Nigeria It’s Networking Not Butt-Licking Duhh !

History demands that we record dates when life on the planet suffer grave setbacks, and I’m still struggling to recover the day the holy trinity of dignity, pride and honour fell off the Nigerian moral lexicon, when Nigeria became a fast food nation.

Dr. Damages Interviews Gen. Ibrahim Babangida

Announcer: ..and now, here is your Tonight’s Show host, Dr. D.J. Damages (Applause)
Dr. Damages: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. While we were about to go on air for tonight’s show, I got a call from one Kassim Afegbua. He asked me if I was ready to play a role in a movie.
“What movie?” I asked.
“An interview with a vampire,” he said.

An encounter with One of the Pupil that witnessed the Nigerian Parliamentarian brawl

"How are you?"

"Fine"

''I was told that you are the Senior Prefect of City Royal Secondary School, (CSSS), Nyanya, Abuja.”

"Yes, sir''

''No, one of the prefects''

"What is your name?'’

''My name is October Independence Abubakar’'

"Did I hear you clearly?’’

''Sir, it is October Independence Abubakar"

''This is an extraordinary name!  How old are you?"

"16 years, sir"

"Do you know why I acknowledge that your name is extra-ordinary?"   

"No, sir"

"Just trying to reconcile the October and Independence part of the name.  Please, are you declaring that is what your parents call you?"

"Yes, sir"

''I acknowledge that Abubakar is a common name but October and Independence is rare… Did your parents explain why they christened you those names?''

''They told me that October was the month that I was born, hence my being christened October.''

''What about the Independence name?''

''My parents told me that they were born on October 1, 1960, the year Nigeria secured her Independence from Britain.''

''Did they tell you more?''

''No, only that they said that they cherished that day and decided to call me by that name since I was their first child.''

''This means that you are special in many respects.''

''Yes, sir''

''I understand that you were part of those who visited the National Assembly during the week.

''Yes, I was part of them, with our teachers.''

''How many were you?''

''We were more than 75''

''That is a large number''

''The entire school wanted to come with us''

''Why?''

''It was a life-long opportunity.''

''What did you go there to do?''

''We went to observe firsthand what our Government and Social Studies teachers have been teaching us.''

''If, I understand you correctly, are you referring to the subjects Government and Social Studies?

Yes, Sir''

''This is interesting!''

''What part of these subjects do you find most fascinating?''

''Types of Government, Law Making Process, Political Parties, Organs of Government, Operations of Government, Elections and Electoral Process, Civics, etc''

''Who mooted the idea of the visit?''

''We raised the request and pleaded with our teachers to arrange an excursion. Initially, our head teacher informed us that the process of arranging the excursion were cumbersome based on protocol and bureaucracies but promised to do his best to secure it for us.''

 ''Did it take long from the time it was first mooted, and when you finally visited?''

''No, it did not. Nevertheless, at a point we became agitated and had to ask questions.''

''When the date was eventually confirmed, what was your reaction and that of your colleagues?''

'' We were beside ourselves with excitement. There was celebration throughout the school. Many students who were not part of the excursion team felt bad. I remember running home after school hours to inform my parents about the development.''

''How did your parents receive the information?''

''They were very happy, very happy. They wished me well and instructed that I note every detail of our excursion. My father requested that I prepare to write an essay after our visit.''

''You mean that… Now have you written the essay?''

''What essay, sir? What will I write? Will I write that I visited the National Assembly and saw Honourable Members of the House of Representatives wrestling or fighting? What essay?''

''Did you say wrestling or fighting?''

''Both!''

''You mean you did not note whether they were fighting or wrestling.''

''Initially, it was exchange of blows but later it degenerated into wrestling.''

''How many of them were doing this?''

''The entire chambers were in an uproar.  We could not count the figure.  My colleagues and I saw honourable members running helter-skelter. At a point, we saw some of them carrying objects and hitting one another. We were at the gallery but were still scared.''

''Why did you and your colleagues not leave the arena?''

''We were confused. We wanted to be sure of the exit point to follow. You will not understand. We also saw a woman, who was beaten. She was shouting and crying. There was this man, whose agbada was shredded. We later found out that he was the leader of a group they called 'Progressives'.

''Progressives, you said…?''

''Some mischievous ones amongst us were chorusing Hulk Hogan, Hulk Hagan at the background.''

''Did you try to stop them from chanting?''

''I could not do anything''

''Where were your teachers?''

''They were with us''

''So, what did they do?’'

''They were confused. They tried to manage the situation.''

''How did they fare?''

''Sir, I must confess that they tried. Some of my colleagues wanted to walk down to the chambers to feed their eyes except that the teachers intervened.  We even saw one of the members carrying a canister with which he sprayed another member. It was at this point that we received instruction from our teachers to leave the chambers.''

''I understand that the Speaker, Bankole Dimeji, drove personally to the school to apologize to you all''

''Yes, but do not mind him. It was mere PR charade. Why did it take him that long to do? It is too late. Do not forget that that impression had long registered.''

''So you mean all of you did not accept his apology?''

''Some of us did, but for me, it is a terrible experience to live down. It has registered!''

''Could you remember any of the members that were involved in the scuffle?''

''No, but there was this one they called ogbologbo, some were calling him area boy. He was very strong. It took about five members to restrain him. He was like a lion. They tore his shirts.'' 

''You saw all these?''

''Was it Honorable Patrick Obahiagbon?''

''No, I know that one very well. He is the one that speaks big English. He was actually one of the members that I had looked forward to meet. I watch him regularly on television. I am sure that he was not amongst the wrestlers. He comes across as a gentle man.''

''You mean you could not recall any name.''

''I am sorry sir; we have resolved to call them dishonorable members''

''When you say ‘we’, whom are you referring?''

''My colleagues and I''

''Please, do not say that''

''Sir, that is, what we have resolved to address them from now. I heard some of them shouting, Dino, the bulldog, Dino, the bulldog.  I was wondering whether he was a member of the house.''

''How about if the police arrest you for calling them dishonourable members, what would you do?''

''I will explain to the police why I am addressing them as dishonorable members. Do not forget that I am a minor. I am 16 years old''

''You said you could not write the essay, which your father requested that you write, because there was nothing remarkable to write about''

''Yes, sir''

''All that you have told me could make a good essay''

''Yes, but, none of what I saw were taught during our classes by our teachers. At no time, did our teachers lectured us that lawmaking or legislative procedure involved fighting or wrestling.''

''Are you disappointed?''

''I am disillusioned. I am ashamed of being a Nigerian.  I hope you are aware that this 'show of shame’ took place same day that Super Eagles embarrassed the nation in South Africa. I am sad that the children of these lawmakers are not in the country to witness what their fathers have turned this country to. My mother told me that most of the children of the parliamentarians are in places like Ghana, US, Britain, Saudi Arabia, schooling.''

''If given the opportunity again, would you want to visit the National Assembly?''

''For what sir, I will not''

''So, what is your impression of member of the House of Representatives?''

''They are a disgrace to their children, family, and the nation. This has clearly shown that our leaders are incapable of running this country. They did this in our presence.  As leaders of tomorrow to be, what example are they bequeathing to us?  If I knew that this was going to happen, I would have opted out of the trip.''

''Are you aware that the molested female members’ constituency and women liberation groups are spoiling for a fight with the leadership of the House?''

''My father told me that a female parliamentarian had in the past, slapped a male colleague of hers’, and almost blinded him in the process. So why are the women protesting now. Look, sir, my father says that fracas of this nature had been taking place in the House of Representatives since 1999. In fact, he narrated a recent episode in Edo State House of Assembly, where one of the members came into the chambers with a bomb to blow everybody up. He said it is a usually occurrence in most State Assembly.''

‘‘Will you aspire to be a legislature?''

''Tu fia  kwa, God forbid bad thing, I will plead with my father to send me abroad to school next year, that is, after my studies in this school. Do not forget that next year is another election year. I am sure that that they will turn the nation into a wrestling mat.''

''Sir, please, let me ask you one question.''

''Please, go ahead.''

'' Have the 60 lawmakers that travelled to South Africa to watch the Super Eagles returned from the trip?''

''I think they should have returned by now.''

''It was better they were not around to witness the brawling circus''

''Why?''

''Because they would have joined in the fracas''

''Yes…ooooooooooooooo!''

''Thank you for your time''

 

 

2010 National Honour Award List! Why's Ibori's Name Not Included?

2010 National Honour Award List! Why's Ibori's Name Not Included?
Written By Sunday Njokede

2010 National Honour Award List! Why's Ibori's Name Not Included?

2010 National Honour Award List! Why's Ibori's Name Not Included?

Written By Sunday Njokede
The National Honour Award in Nigerian is the assemblage and advertisement of the rejects in our society and a showcase of the 'gangster's paradise' community, yonder. You get the same depressing sense of sickness every time you meet a pastor flying in private airplane while ghetto people and their children who pay his bills via offering, live in stark poverty. If you gather our National honour winners and pastors who spend the thrift of their congregations for self-serving interests, you get a perfect tribe of Biblical Sodom and Gomorrah people in Nigeria. I now pass the microphone to Dora Akuyili, the information minister as per re-branding the outcasts who have won the nation's award with runaway successes.
Our National Honour list became the one for nuisance value since when the Obasanjo political class stormed our political places in 1999 like the Pharaonic plagues. Since then the Honour List has become the yardstick by which conventional wisdom measures roguery, economic hit men and women, corruption heavies, profiteers, ratbags, playboys and playgirls. Hardly has decent people won our national award and when socio-centric people like Chinue Achebe win, they reject it because they're shamefaced to be categorized alongside their wayward peer winners who dotted the award lists since 1999.
Ibori. How'd president Jonathan Goodluck explain to history, and future generation of Nigerians that Ibori's name is missing from the National Honour list he claimed was compiled by late president Yar'Adua before he died? It's also no small wonder that Mike Aondokaa's name is more so, not on that list. Unthinkable! Our president seems to be raising the bar of deception as well as moving and shaking statecraft the Machiavellian way. He tells you everything he does is in the interest of Nigeria including: knocking-about with aimless abandon abroad, official human trafficking of Nigerians en masse to Canada and sundry places. His newest nationalist goodwill for Nigeria is the by-now National Honour list that is full of criminal Mafia and misbehaving thieving class. We should all kowtow on bended-knees Chinese-style and thank Jonathan Goodluck for the massive achievements he has recorded so far on our behalves since he took over statecraft.
I call it the National Horror List. It is an influence-peddling venture dressed up and misconstrued by Jonathan as national honour. He's under burning compulsion to settle and compromise our political lowlifers and sundry people to play 2011 presidential election ball to one side. The president has no scruples masturbating our statecraft for his personal self-aggrandisement of 2011 presidential election, to the detriment and shortchanging of other presidential candidates. As sure as egg is egg, Jonathan will vie for 2011 election. Forget about his rigmarole and political brinkmanship of false modesty of not knowing whether he'd vie. The same old-school delay tactics employed by ex-president Obasanjo to announce his interest in the eleventh-hour. That kind of pretension no longer cut ice with the Nigerian masses who are thankful to Saharareporters.com for opening their political eyes.
Late president Yar'Adua must be turning in his grave that the names of his frontline men were excluded from Jonathan's 2010 National Honour list. The deceased ruler should by now be cursing fire and brimstone to consume the present administration for the disservice of omitting his foxhole buddies from the list. 'Jonathan don fall Yar'Adua hand' like streetwise people from Delta and Edo would say to badmouth Mr. Jonathan for stabbing his late master on his back.
There's nothing that sits right with the 2010 National Honour list. James Ibori would no doubt, be in the front row of any honour list that'd have been handpicked by the late ruler friend of his. In addition to that, Mike Aondokaa would have been the chairperson to such committee picking. Whereby he'd have shamelessly apportioned the choicest titles to himself and ilk of Yar'Adua friends and hangers-on. Is either the list was not compiled by Yar'Adua or that Jonathan Goodluck removed Ibori and Mike Aondokaa's name therefrom. So the speculation by Jonathan's regime that the list was finalised by the late president is suspect, and does not hold water by any conventional standard.
Some federal matters that has K-leg or bad nowadays is credited to the Yar'Adua's era. After all, the churn writer David Hardly Chase once said that: The Dead Don't Bite. Jonathan seems to be a pretty good buck passer. His native, and wayo inclination msut've told him that Nigerians and people all over the world would quarrel and lampoon his National Honour list with acidic ruthlessness. Hence he has passed the buck of the 'National Horror' list to the late president. Who'd not envy in the negative, a honour list that has the name of EFCC chairwoman Farida Waziri? Former House of Representative's head-woman Patricia Etteh who was ousted due to corrupt sharp practices is also on the Honour list. Recently, Dora Akuyili, Jonathan's mouthpiece was reported to have claimed that certain government spending was hiked up by the deceased president. Yar'Adua is now this regime's fall man and punchbag.
How could Yar'Adua have included Otedola's name who it's reported, has been pencilled down to finance Jonathan's 2011 election but omitted James Ibori's name: his very close friend who financed his 2007 election that allowed Jonathan the leeway to Aso Rock? The 2010 list should be reworked to include Yar'Adua front-men, the usual way PDP people conduct themselves in their family business. Senator Omisore was in jail when he won election conducted in conventional Nigeria. So what's the heck about not including Ibori and Mike Aondokaa's names because one is now incarcerated abroad and the other, banned from entering the USA? Or is this selectiveness as a result, that both men peppered the hell out of Jonathan Goodluck when the late president's cabal held sway?
Normal and ordinary Nigerians would not care if more of the Farida Waziri and Patricia Etteh kind of PDP Nigerians are added to the Satanic verse of 2010 Honour list. The more wayward citizens make the list the better for the rest of us who have nothing to do with the gathering and recognition of corrupt sleazebags par excellence.
From Nigeria to Europe, America to Japan all over the world, Jonathan's award list would become an international laughing-stock. Politicians in Washington and the European Union will concluded after reading the list, that Jonathan Goodluck is the man for 'Disney Award of Showmanship.' Yes, our president deserves to be the joker of 2010 if those on the list are Jonathan's stand-up men and women. All the goodwill international community imposed on him shortly after inception must have evaporated after they read the caliber of those who made the list. In normal society, Jonathan awardees would be in jail. Most of his awardees are either wanted by EU and USA or have been declared persona non grata by First World countries. Farida Waziri is highly detested by the US authorities plus their European allies.
This administration's National Honour list played directly into the hand of Odumegu Ojukwu's Biafra 'war memo.' Where Ojuku warned leaders not to build monuments for themselves. It's misnomer that sitting officeholders would apportion monuments titles to themselves. But only in Nigeria. After Jonathan single-handedly bestowed upon himself the highest honour in the land, he now extends unmerited titles to president's men and women to pacify their hearts and bribe them for his 2011 election activity.
If 2010  National Honour awardees was chosen by late Yar'Adua, Ibori and Aondokaa would've clinched the topmost honour titles. And if they are not honorees, it means Jonathan must have doctored it, making it Jonathan's Honour List and not Yar'Adua's. And that is why most of Yar'Adua's best men who Jonathan dislikes refuse to make the list.
Sunday Njokede writes from The European Union
www.rig2011electionyoudie@rocketmail.com

2010 National Honour Award List! Why's Ibori's Name Not Included?

2010 National Honour Award List! Why's Ibori's Name Not Included?

Written By Sunday Njokede

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