Enough of Your Sirens, Already. My Ears Hurt By Ayo Sogunro

By Ayo Sogunro

To: The Military Officer
Who on the Third Mainland Bridge
Blew Past Me with a Blaring Siren

Dear Sir: I refer to the incident on the Third Mainland Bridge this morning, a very common incident, too common, in fact, but still very annoying despite its commonness. I refer, sir, to the effrontery with which your convoy bullied me, and several other drivers, out of the road. I refer to the manner in which, Moses like, you parted the thick traffic of the Bridge at the command of your sirens.

    Of course, I understand your haste, traffic should not be a hindrance to the military man on his way to wage war at Ikoyi—I’ve been told that the gunfire and artillery shots in the officer’s mess can be heard for miles around. I quiver to think of the men at the Obalende frontlines, the men who would perish if you arrived too late to sign some cheques. I hear the battle is raging fiercely in Victoria Island as men wait for you to come in and sign all those documents. Ah, the travails of defending the country! Ah, the toils of saving our lives from the menace of expensive prostitutes and the rising cost of beer! I understand your hurry; after all, you would be facing a firing squad if you got to work late while I would only face a sack letter.

    As you can see, I have gone out of my way to introduce myself as an understanding fellow. It’s only fair that you should try to see my point of view as well. This letter intends to explain that perspective. In summary: please turn off the siren and join the queue. Yes, I understand that you are in a rush, but so am I—and a hundred thousand other people. You have important work to do, but so do I—and a hundred thousand other people. If I could, I’ll take flight above the insanity of the road, but since nature has not deemed us fit to have wings, I’m willing to take my turn. It would be a mad, weird world if I were to fix a siren on my Honda and chase everyone out of my way.

    Of course, you are a military man, with a big gun and several men around you—and I suppose you think this qualifies you to a right of way? Maybe in 1996, it would have, but not in 2012. That’s why you ultimately take your instructions, not from the man with the biggest gun in Abuja, but from a man I’m capable of sacking every four years. So, listen, if your boss is my boy, I don’t think you should be strutting around. You’re important, but not that important: you are the guy we pay to guard the gate. Security guards, sir, should not blow sirens in the living room—except in a period of emergency.

    Well, I suppose we both have different ideas of what constitutes an emergency, but let me give you a quick guide: an emergency involves life or death—strictly so. No metaphors. If nobody is dying around you, and there’s no likelihood of people dying anytime immediately, kindly depress the mute button, wait your turn in traffic and don’t kill people with heart attacks.

    Because, that’s what you do! You increase environmental and biological tension, induce high blood pressure, stimulate hormonal imbalance, prompt cardiac arrest, and even cause accidents! Come on, officer! You’re supposed to be defending me, not killing me! I hear your siren and my heart races to 440! It’s a dog’s life already—jumping out of bed at 5 a.m., bleary-eyed and aching joints; having to start up the generator or stumble around in the dark, eventually wearing two colours of socks, joining the morning traffic—without you adding hypertension to the parade.

    Maybe you just love the noise—like boys with firecrackers, maybe you are tickled by the sight of cars hurrying out of your way, maybe you don’t even give a damn, whatever your reasons—it’s fine. However, we can’t always have what we want. Now, here’s a warning: guns or not, whips or not, juvenile, trigger-ready men around you or not, I won’t get out of your way again. You, sir, are a man like me, same flesh—same blood, same response to virus and bacteria, and same biological reaction to being beaten to a pulp by an angry mob. Please, do not let’s get to that stage: you may have the guns, and whips and boys—but I have the people. The harassed and angry people you dismiss out of your way like so much chaff before the wind.

    Meanwhile, keep being cheerful. A happy solider is a good soldier. Don’t worry, nobody will attempt to assassinate you, it’s not like you hold nuclear launch codes or something.  Next time we meet on the road, I expect you to join the line and queue behind me. Enjoy the view same as I do, it reduces anxiety. I won’t move out of your route and I would encourage other drivers not to move out either. Let’s not smash each other’s faces over this small issue, ok?

Regards,

Ayo Sogunro

@ayosogunro can be found blowing sirens on Twitter—a proper place for noise making.
 

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what u just wrote is complete

what u just wrote is complete rubbish, maybe you should join the military and see the need for them to use sirens

if there is one misguided

if there is one misguided fool its you Seyi. Signing of dotted lines to die is your prerogative and does not make you a lawless citizen of Nigeria.

Enough of Your Sirens. Re: Bayo A

You're absolutely right Ayo and then Bayo. Sirens are for emergencies. Its not only our military men that are guilty of this sheer arrogance, most ministers and political office holders blow sirens even at midnight.
I think we should all support Bayo and not move for any idiot that thinks he/she is in a bigger hurry.
Sirens not only disturbs every1 around, i honestly think it adds oppression to the already oppressed. So what If you're the Minister of Finance or Petroleum; this doesnt give you the right to bully other road users. Your entire staff and convoy is being paid for by tax payers money. We are the ones that should be in a hurry,after all everyone waits for you if you show up late, why should you even be late in the 1st place? you have a thousand and one aids doing everything for you.
Lets fix Naija ourselves

My friend the writter Ayo did

My friend the writter Ayo did a good write up to advise all Nigerians not only the military brass take it or keep the heal quite,can't you see the mindsets of all uniform men?a prison warder came out of his car the other day with a horse wipe to beat a lagosian who is rightly on his lane?do you call that civilize?most military men don't see ANYOTHER Nigerian as anything we need to be all disciplined qed

Enough of your siren

Ayo, this is a nice one but is it only the military that uses siren? Definately NO. Do you know that the military also pay tax like you? Please find out. Do you know that every military man has deprivation of freedom? Please find out. Do you know that time keeping is a military tradition that non adherence to it could cause an immaginable consequences? Please find out. And do you know all military men have signed to lay their lives for this country comes rain or sunshine? Please find out. However, despite all these, you are in position to advice our ruling elites to maintain our roads to be passable and free from busy traffic to overcome these problems. Finally, my advise to you is that a man hit by a vehicle can never remenber to take the vehicle number. Dont dare/obstruct the military when you hear the blast of their siren.

Stop your sirens

Its a pity that human being abandone most important issues for less important ones, in lagos state, govr Fashola partitioned the road, one for the masses and one for his commerciat busses, the one for the masses were always congested while fashola own are always free. nobody talks. now because your enemies, the millitary are involve, you talks like fools. why dont you face fashola? immediately it happen, you'll cry of millitary, just gain little freedom, the millitary 'll become your enemy. if its so easy to be a millitary man. go and apply and see if you can cope. the corrupted leaders are there, you can do anything about that. anyday they come your way, block the road, you'll recieve the beating of your century. fools.

Nigeria is indeed a jungle.

This article is serious and needs serious consideration. As matter of fact the Senate should readress this in the Nigerian constitution as a serious matter. Nigeria is indeed a jungle. And it is only in a jungle that wild beasts get right of way. In more organised societies where humans live in, right of way by virtue of siren lights (not even necessarily the noise) is given to only cases of emergency e.g 1. An ambulance enroute TO an accident scene and from the accident scene with a victim in critical condition. 2 Fire service folks enroute TO fight a fire outbreak. 3. Bullion van movements (with cash/expensive articles) 4. Prisoner transport(with prisoners within) 5. Police emergencies and 6. The president's convoy or other international VIP dignitaries in transit....It is only in Nigeria that this priviledge is misused to an extent of idiocy such that military personel oppress the people with these sirens.. Nothing can ever be done right in Nigeria.

My ear hurts

Gud work and please my i ask you?

My ear hurts

Gud work and please my i ask you?

Enough of Your Sirens, Already. My Ears Hurt By Ayo Sogunro

This is both very funny and not funny at the same time. Finally, I see somebody who thinks like me. I don't move for any of them and am waiting for a day one of the military boys will bash my car and beat me up for not moving away fast enough. I just pray that when they do, they do not kill me so that I can sue their asses. I don't care how long it will take. The nonsense need to stop.
Haba! And these are the people who are supposed to be protecting us?
Should the military guys be driving around town with guns at all? As a regular tax payer with card, I say we should all rise up and stay in our lanes whenever any of the stupid and ignorant khaki boys drive crazy with sirens wailing. Enough of this nonsense.

This is a fantastic piece.

This is a fantastic piece. Great work Ayo.

A Civilised man living in the jungle called Nigeria

Nice one Ayo,with time the military will be modernised,i hope.

HURRY HURRY

Well when it comes to these fools with their sierns shovlng us out of the way,i have to share the same sentiment,and honestly say OGA GO TO HELL.
These men with self made importance are no better than bank robbers making a quick getaway.
the man wey dey herd im cattle go market does more for this country than these arseholes in power.
it just shows that deep down these men know they are nothing.
thats why they need the attention,as a feel good factor.
if only god hadnt given us OIL maybe by now we would have started to become a civilised nation,instead of one with robbers monopolizing our few roads.

You are the Stupid one

......Military men are men of noble profession true.....true...but not Nigerian military men my friend.....has that stupid ass siren blarer even seen combat? Can he die for Nigeria? The likes of Eishienhower, Bradley, Petreuse, Tommy Franks, Swarzkopf that have commanded proffessional military of the highest integrity to victotories dont harrass the civilians that they are suppose to protecct when going about thier normal duties. Nigeria is at peace to a large extent in terms of military proffessional.....what haste could any general be in that would warrant breaking the law.

Stupid people like you make me think that we will never wake up one day

My goodness, Seyi! Indeed,

My goodness, Seyi! Indeed, when a person is intellectually challenged, the such a person resorts to insults and abuse. An intelligent person would have recognised the piece as satire, and also been able to separate issues. Even a military person ought not to use such language as you have.

Brilliant article, and very much to the point.

Allow them. The siren is

Allow them.

The siren is Nigeria
big man's toy!

It "boosts" their low esteem.

MOG's love it too.

Terry

Thanks for sharing this information, i truly love your weblog. Keep this good work & enlighten us with your new post. Thanks.

Soldier wahala

A soldier no matter his rank is not trained to be civil in all his actions!

A soldier no matter his rank

A soldier no matter his rank is not trained to be civil in all his actions!

Siren Blowing

Ayo and Lola, you both are a bunch of miss guided fools who don't know wot the military is all about. You should have been more objective in your submissions because politicians do blow sirens. But because of your deep hatred for the military. If you have the guts and the so called rights you claimed you have try nd stop a military convoy when next you see one. One thing for sure is that you will never live to tell your stupid act of stupidity. Military mend are mend from a noble profession who have signed the dotted lines to die for their fatherland and protest ingrates like you, who do t see anything good in the military. I wonder what you guy have done to the lawmakers and other political office holders whose conducts are unimaginable.

Ade, I think you missed the

Ade, I think you missed the point completely. The article was an intelligent satire. Though using the specific instance; it's message is clearly applicable to all abusers of sirens in the polity.

Ade, I think you missed the

Ade, I think you missed the point completely. The article was an intelligent satire. Though using the specific instance; it's message is clearly applicable to all abusers of sirens in the polity.

Frustrated ayo

ayo strikes me as one frustrated out of the military or one that hates the military after several failed attempts to join the noble profession. An apt and objective article would have been concluded with a call discouraging all Nigerian from using siren except when necessary. However, ayo used his text to properly insult the military. By this piece, it shows that ayo has deep rooted hatred for men that have signed to die for the idiot(ayo) whenever called to do so. He exhibitted dangerous ignorance by referring to the military as security guards and encouraged mob action against them. No problem, when the mob action starts, the last man standing will tell stories!!!

Great

This is great, Ayo, the satire made me relax a bit.

Show off

Siren bloowing should be the thing of the past. Blowing can cause havoc to those that are suffering from epilepsy, hypertension. Nigerians should borrow a leaf from those in the foreign countries. I remember one time that the former President of USA was passing by, no one knew until he was shown on the television; during the horse trace track. Blowing of siren should be henceforth stopped, but only during the medical emergencies. It may also cause accident to anyone.

Men in Uniform are Disgrace to their Profession

Ayo, thank you very much for this excellent piece. The Uniform men have become a nuisance to the society, for instance, this Tuesday, at about 6:30 pm on Awolowo Road, Ikoyi, a Police Office with about two pilot vehicles blowing siren thru Falomo, Alexandra and driving towards Gerrard Avenue, alas, the Police Office was just on his way home after a long day work like each and everyone of us. Actually, the vehicle has NPF registration number. Yesterday morning, by the Lekki-Epe toll gate, Police men were standing in their vehicle singing and blowing siren, their action was nothing more than criminals in uniform, it was terrible. A lot of Naval Officers, Police Officers living in Ikoyi blew their vehicle siren on their way to and from work on a regular basis. Men in Uniform are lawless; they take one way, cut other road users and blow siren and lord on tax payers who pay their salaries. Someone need to stop these barbaric act of our men in uniform

The Military Officer & Siren Blaring

I share your resentment for these siren-blaring, disrespectful 'officers but not so gentlemen'! Can someone please remind them siren-blaring is no longer in fashion-except in emergencies. If u cant discipline ur self to leave for ur appointment on time; then, spare us poor folks, and jump into a shuttle helicopter. There's service from MMA/Maryland to & fro Lagos Island or wherever else you choose to go and pass time.

SO ON POINT! WE NEED TO STAND UP TO THESE UNIFORMED MISCREANTS!

Dear ayo, i have never had to comment on anyone's post but this article of your makes a very interesting read. Though a satire, i hope it emboldens other 'bloody civilians' to stand up to these uniformed touts who have never faced any battle in their entire 'military' lives of womanising, beer gozzling, and civilian bashing! Keep up the good write!

You just earned another follower on Twitter

This satirical piece has just earned you another follower on Twitter....Cheers

oops. There is no plate

oops. There is no plate numbers again. All the siren blaring security vehicles on the roads now go around with their plate numbers off. they adapt quickly dont they? pretty messed up country.