How Come Nobody Told Me The World Is Ending?

How come nobody told me that the world is ending on December 21, 2012? How come?
 
Here are the things I did in the last few days according to my twitter:
 
I paid for ten truck loads of white sand. I will use them to mold blocks. I will use these blocks to construct a bungalow in my hometown. With the money at my disposal, the expected completion date for the house is 2019. But for one day, ten trucks will line up and slowly make their way to my father’s compound. Neighbors will run out and marvel. When they understand what is going on, they will scream, Okonkwo’s son is finally home.
 
I called my remaining credit card company and reactivated a new card they sent to me. I grumbled over my credit line that they reduced to the $550 dollars I owed them. It will expire in 2013.
 

I sent gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh to a baby girl born in Dallas who my son will marry in 2029.
 
I waited for Ras Kimono to befriend me on Facebook.
 
I added another wholelife insurance to my life insurance pack age. It will pay thousands of dollars to my children when I die in 2067.
 
I continued to count the number of days it has been since Saharareporters named Reuben Abati as one of the editors who were allocated land by a corrupt minister. I noted that he has not responded. I wondered what will happen first- his response or the second coming of Christ.
 
I started to make $50 a month payment for my children’s education. It is estimated that at this rate, the account will have $20,000 dollars by the time they get into college in 2022. I wondered if it will be enough to pay for a community college.
 
I prayed that IBB should recover quick quick from surgery in Paris, France, and come and rescue Nigeria from Yar’dua.
 
Stupid me! Crazy me!
 
I have been wasting time, money and material without knowing that we all are going to kaput on December 21, 2012. Yes. It has been confirmed. Not just by the great Nostradamus. Maya cyclical calendars said it too. The ancient Egyptians coded it in their pyramids. Even NASA is seeing the signs but won’t say all they know to avoid panic all over the world. All other prophets have signed off on this day. It is not like those out of the hat Jehovah Witness predictions.
 
This is the real deal.
 
Why is this one different from all the rest? On that day, the sun will get into the center of the Milky Way. Thunder, lightening, tsunamis, fire, Bridgestone, earthquake, tidal waves, hurricanes, Paris Hilton, volcanic eruptions, will all come and crush us all.
 
In fact, the North Pole will become the South Pole that day and the South Pole will become the North Pole. This is called polar reversal. We shall be walking on the ceiling, eating through the ass and pooping through the mouth. The sun will rise in the west and set in the East. Our hair will be sucked into our body- everybody will be bald.
 
Some predict that gravity will also disappear. So when a plane leaves New York today for London, it will get to London yesterday. One prophet said that Nitrogen will evaporate from the atmosphere. So when a Rasta in Jamaica lights up his blunt, the whole of the New Hemisphere will catch fire.
 
I am in shock. Something this big is in the horizon and I am here wondering if in 2012, Americans will elect a Mormon, Mitt Romney, president. The three anti-Christs are here and I am trying to figure out why Obama’s speech is said to be like sex. Now I know why Republicans said the world will end if Obama is elected president. They too saw the same prediction but misinterpreted it.
 
I cannot believe how foolish I have been. Imagine! I was hoping to get a PhD in 2013. What a waste of time!
 
Please, let me relax and enjoy the little time we still have. I heard there will be famine. It will be so bad that people will be forced to eat other people to stay alive. Ah, I will be in Ogbunike cave when the time comes. I have paid for a room there. It is nuclear proof. I will eat ants and honey and drink dew while it lasted.
 
I am very excited. Even the atheists are thanking God for letting them know on time. How about you?
 
Will your world end before December 12, 21, 2012 or will you kaput with us all on that day?
 
 
 
 
 
 

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