December 6, 2009
This is a letter culled from The Guardian Newspapers of 7th of December, 2009 written by Dipo Dosunmu of Lagos. I have decided to share it with SR readers who might have missed it.
What is special about a Nigerian name?
Africans in general and Nigerians in particular believe that names have a significant part to play in whatever they will become in life. That is why the adherents of the major religions in Nigeria name their children Mohammed and Christ in great numbers. Even the Scripture says in Proverbs 22. 1: "A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold" (New International Version)
A friend of mine however predicts that some names will gradually go into extinction in the next few years in Nigeria for the following reasons:
Maurice - The child will become someone who speaks from both sides of the mouth, biased umpire, fraudulent intellectual, morally bankrupt, incompetent, waster of resources and incurable liar who will definitely end up in jail.
Umar - The child will be slow and sickly and will gladly receive responsibilities he did not adequately prepare for.
Bode - The child will receive excellent education in the best of schools but nevertheless will become a notorious cheat, abuser of privileges, policies and procedures and end up his life as a convict
Aremu - The child will become a wife-beater, notorious, do-or-die manipulator of elections at community, state and national levels who becomes more troublesome and incestuous at old age, preferring to hand over the baton to less competent personalities in order to earn sham respect
Tony - The child will become a godfather, capo di tuti capo, patron de toutes patrons, who fixes elections, but cannot fix roads, an estate agent who always displays "No Vacancy" and whose son and namesake similarly fixes the capital market.
Ibrahim - The child will become an evil genius with Maradonic manifestations. When he greets you in the morning, you will need to look outside to actually confirm the time of the day.
Dora - The child will become a life-saver, destroyer of fake drugs in the earlier years but in the later years become a marketer of bad products and a re-brander of falsehood.
Sani - The child will become a tyrant and murderer, intolerant of the views of others. Janus-faced thief-catcher who himself will be a kleptomaniac.
Ayoka - The child will become an aider and abbeter of fraud, who will profess a good conscience in words but display treachery and cowardice in deeds.
Lamidi - The child will become a terror to the community, a semi-literate thug and a local warlord.
Isa - The child will become a desperado and will marry anyone or join any party just to remain politically relevant.
According to my friend, any Nigerian wishing his child a great future would gladly name him/her Gani, Femi, Wole, Festus, Adams, Beko, Joe, Jadesola, Moshood, Kudirat, Obafemi, Dideolu, Austin, Kanu, Pat, Reuben, Enoch, Tunde, Murtala and Ngozi. What name will you give that new-born child?
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