As my Yoruba brother or sister would scream, mo ti ri! I have found it: the source of the plenteous troubles of Nigeria. Aso Rock is at the very heart of the matter. Anybody who thinks the ailment keeping President Umaru Musa Yar’Adua down and low in a Saudi hospital is “ordinary” should have his head lobotomized and unscrambled. Aso Villa is a haunted house, haunted day and night by very vile and evil spirits! How do I know this for a certainty? Ask my jujuman in Agege, near Pen Cinema!
Actually it is only death wish that would make any man agree to occupy a house reluctantly vacated by that highly “medicated” man who propounded the immortal theory that Apartheid in South Africa could only be defeated by juju! It is my candid opinion that our dear “Umoru” was not sufficiently “medicated” to occupy that cabalistic enclave. He’s grossly unprotected against the relentless onslaught of supernatural Scud missiles and preternatural Molotov cocktails directed acutely at his pericarditic heart!
googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('content1'); });
In the astral plane, as observed and traversed by people with “Third Eye” like the crooked T. Lobsang Rampa, Okija shrine is a picnicker’s paradise when compared with the dastardly coven known as Aso Rock!
The trouble with Aso Rock started from the very beginning. Nigeria’s one and only Military President Ibrahim Badamasi Babangida did not pack into the place under normal circumstances. As they say, it is not with ordinary eyes that harassed mortals run into the embrace of the born-again “Jehovah Sharp-Sharp” churches! The Evil Genius from Minna ran to the Villa following the hot pursuit of Major Gideon Orkar and his comrades who smoked him out of his bedroom in Dodan Barracks, Lagos. The coup lion-heart named Gideon Orkar had accused Babangida of running a “homosexually-centred oligarchic” regime; and it was only split seconds that saved the utterly frightened self-advertised “Master of Violence” from sure death. And the man fled! Let’s not be detained here by the news that I am yet to corroborate that the Evil Genius actually shat in his undies like General Diya did when he was charged with coup-plotting by General Abacha’s goons! It suffices to say that ever since Babangida made Aso Rock Nigeria’s presidential abode the country has known no progress whatsoever. Ask Babangida or Shonekan or Abacha or Abdulsalami or Obasanjo or Yar’Adua or their wives!
In the light of building institutions that last forever there was the Biblical injunction on Peter the Apostle thusly: Upon this rock I will build my church. This way, the Evil Genius turned to Aso Rock and said: “Upon this rock I will build my evil empire!”
For a visibly shaken man running for his dear life from Dodan Barracks in Lagos all the way to Aso Rock in Abuja, there was the clear and present need to fortify the place against all spiritual attacks, metaphysical onslaughts and terrestrial diabolism. I have it on good authority that hoary marabouts and voodoo grandmasters were put to work from all corners of the globe to root forever the life presidency of the then First Family deep inside the rock. It is against this background that any wannabe so-called leader of Nigeria who hopes for a place of abode in Aso Rock is doomed to occult failure.
So when Chief Moshood Abiola sought to succeed his bosom friend Babangida via the June 12, 1993 presidential election he was promptly made to understand that Aso Rock was not made for another family through the instant annulment of the election! The like of old man Tony Anenih who was ostensibly rooting for Abiola suddenly turned tail with the evergreen slogan: “No Vacancy in Aso Rock!”
Even when so much heat was put on Babangida to quit power it’s remarkable that he told all willing to listen that he was merely “stepping aside”. Chief Ernest Shonekan whom Babangida installed as interim leader of Nigeria could not get a hang on the spiritual and underworld underpinnings of Aso Rock until he was shabbily kicked out by Abacha. Then Abacha had to stay holed up in Lagos for quite some time for Aso Rock to be detoxified for his occupation! See what I mean, even the ordinarily tough Abacha did not want to dash in where angels feared to tread!
Once Abacha got his bearing within the Aso Rock terrain he upped the ante in making the ornate palace his permanent home. He reportedly ferried in a million blind mice from Niger Republic into Aso Rock to keep all Nigerians eternally blind to his antics at self-perpetuation in power! Marabouts became two for a kobo in the biology and geography of Aso Rock. Even so, Abacha did not reckon with the terminal depths of Indian apples! And thus the man expired, giving place to General Abdulsalami Abubakar who just took as much money as he could in nine fast months and simply ran from the grigri of Aso Rock.
A lot of people had so much faith in General Olusegun Obasanjo during his reign as a military leader back in Dodan Barracks in Lagos, but now see the donkey that eight long years in Aso Rock made of the Owu man! Who out there is still arguing with me that there is “something” in that Aso Rock? To illustrate the matter of the recurring decimal of madness in Aso Rock, let’s play up the role of a certain comical character that appeared at the Oputa Panel. This fellow whose name I will not mention here as it will only elicit laughter - and I am such a serious writer whose essay should not make people laugh! Yes, this fellow, let’s just call him Tokyo, complained to Oputa that he was detained by Abacha’s security goons, Gwarzo and Mustapha. This Tokyo fellow was fond of going to the security agents in Aso Rock from the time of Babangida with his waxed music in which he sang the praises of any government in power. After making so much money with his music “Babangida forever”, “Shonekan forever”, “Abdulsalami forever” he approached Gwarzo and then Mustapha with his brand new CD “Abacha forever!” They promptly clamped him into detention for his bad repetitive music! Mustapha then told an astounded Justice Oputa: “As we are talking now, this shameless fellow is back worshipping with Obasanjo at the Aso chapel with the selfsame music!” “Obasanjo forever” indeed! Everybody at the Oputa Panel burst out laughing. Poor Oputa, he chided the audience by saying that instead of laughing the people should weep for Nigeria.
Any wonder then that Obasanjo fell like Humpty Dumpty with his Third Term calamity. And now that President Yar’Adua is ailing, his sister is saying that he can rule for a further 16 years. It is the Aso disease all over again. Yar’Adua may have taught chemistry earlier in life but the type of chemical substances assailing him in Aso Rock are definitely not the normal chemical compounds that he was used to in the classroom! Except Aso Rock is scrapped there may be no light at the end of a very dark tunnel. As my buddy Bob Marley would sing, “Total destruction is the only solution!”
googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('comments'); });
googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('content2'); });