I Bee Beast Defends Himself

You may call me I Bee Beast but no idiots can stop me from ruling Nigeria again in 2011. You may have heard that some people are born to be leaders. This axiom readily applies to me and there’s nothing all you hypocrites can do about it. It’s true that Nigeria belongs to a few people, and Insha Allah, I am among the privileged few.
I am not here to campaign, for willy-nilly IBB ye shall vote for. And I know what I’m talking about. Who is going to stop me? Is it the nincompoops calling themselves critics? Listen, I know the character of those who are currently mushrooming as social activists and human rights defenders and their sponsors. If they are ever genuine activists, IBB would never have become an issue in Nigerian politics today. But as you can see, the more they persecute IBB, the more they indirectly campaign for IBB. IBB is the issue and I’m enjoying it.

Isn’t it the time for them to leave their cushioned chairs, gird up their loins and stride out into the world? My friend, power is not meant to be relinquished. I am doing what I meant to be doing. Call me evil…call me Machiavellian…and call me whatever you like, Insha Allah, I am the next president of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. Nobody can intimidate me. I think I have successfully passed that stage. In 2011, I’m going to use two political structures to achieve my ambition – inordinate if you prefer. One is the people, and the second is the political party. UP PDP…PDP FOR EVER…WE SHALL RULE THEM FOR SIXTY MORE YEARS. And you know what? The Nigerian masses are my godfathers; my constituency and my final arbiter on all matters of election.

Now, let me start by saying that I was never indicted by the Okigbo Report. And let me further start by saying that much of the funds being alleged that I stole actually went to infrastructural development on the Federal Capital Territory Abuja, which fellow Nigerians are abundantly enjoying today. Or isn’t Abuja our national heritage? Some busybodies are claiming that my life earnings not enough to build my Minna Palace, series of estates abroad and fleet of private jets I own. Yes of course but then em…em… well, you see, I am an honest fellow. And this is the main reason I will always triumph over my adversaries. Remember, I truthfully told the nation on that scorching day in 1993 that I was STEPPING ASIDE. I find it amusing that Nigerians – including the intellectual class – do not know the difference between stepping aside and stepping down. We’re talking about power, you idiots.  

I believe Nigerians are being mischievous and deliberately making a mountain out of a molehill regarding my candidacy for 2011. Well, like I implied before, many of my critics are nothing but hungry ants looking for attention or favour and the only way they can achieve this is to attack the issue – IBB. I know this fact because I had had interaction with them in my first appearance as the Commander-in-Chief of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. Am I not innocent until proved guilty? Let my critics prove their allegations beyond reasonable doubts. For your information, I am the most investigated person in Nigeria. What else do they want? I believe this explanation has satisfied Mr. Human Rights lawyer who is obsessed with me and who wants me to account for S12.4bn oil windfall.  

Oh yes, they say I killed Dele Giwa – that inexperience journalist who was trying to blackmail my administration in 1986 and who was silenced via parcel bomb. I think the ultimate question should be what the young man was expecting from the president who happened to be me. That’s what I meant when I said I knew the character of those mushrooming as activists. Was the former NLC (Nigeria Labor congress) president, Pascal Bafyau, not one of my boys in 1993? See, I spent N40 billion on the transition program. I gave the then NLC N50 million; NUJ – the yeye watchdog of the society – got N20 million; while PMAN collected N30 million and so on. Am I not right to call them phony? These are the groups destroying our countiri and not IBB per se.

But I must confess. Hum, it is the civilian rouges that nurtured the animals in me. They used me for their bloody self interest but I proved smarter than them all. There was no way MKO could be president except over my dead body. He knew it but was living in a fool’s paradise. Agree or not, there’s the need to be rugged, cunning, brutal and vicious in this game called polieatics. It is kill or be killed. It is eat or be eaten. Orka’s coup in April 1990 was a turning point in my life. It defines me today and gave me the chance to study Nigerians. I won’t talk more on the coup. But I survived. About June 12 imbroglio, I have said it many times that I was responsible for the annulment. How honest do they want me to be! As head of the administration, I accept total responsibility for cancelling that election even though it was adjudged the freest and fairest. But it will shock Nigerians when I start to mention names of those who triggered that annulment.

Nigerians are too forgetful and the main reason we, the oligarchy always find our ways to the corridor of power. I am surprised that no one is talking about a document entitled “Peace Pact” which was duly signed by the so-called G-34 in endorsement of my annulment of the June 12, 1993 elections. Damn it, here they are. The Emirs, a leading Yoruba King, members of the military, leaders of the then two political parties – SDP and NRC. Others are Augustus Aikhomu, Earnest Shonekan who eventually headed my contraption called ING (the Interim National Government). The full list is compiled below.

Shehu Musa Yar’ardua, Sule Lamido, Adamu Ciroma, Dele Cole, Tony Anenih, Jim Nwobodo, David Mark, the current Senate president, Abubakar Rimi RIP, Olusola Saraki, Dapo Sarumi, Joseph Toba, Bola Afonja, Hammed Kusamotu, Okechukwu Odunze, Eyo Ita, Y. Anka, Bashir Dalhatu, Tom Ikimi, Joe Nwodo,  Bawa Salka, Abba Murtala Mohammed, Abdulrahman Okene, Joshua Dongoyaro, Lt. Aliyu Mohammed Gusau now the National Security Director, John Shagaya, Anthony Ukpo, Halilu Maina, Bawa Salka, Amos Idakula, Theo Nikire, A. Ramalan,  andA. Mohammed. Some of them are Barristers, Doctors professors and so on and so forth. These are the Nigerians who tied my hands and gagged my mouth. But Nigerians have forgotten these names.

No one is even mentioning Bola Ajibola, my then chief legal enforcer, who drafted clause decrees including the one that meant to stop Nigerians from organizing a National Conference in 1990. Even Mark who had vowed he would never accept Abiola as Commander-in-Chief is now number three citizen. So why the hullabaloo about IBB’s candidacy in 2011! And why are those holier than thou professors who willingly served under me now calling me all sort of names like dictator, evil and so on? Didn’t they realise this before they served under me? Nonsense!

Anyway, my second coming is basically to correct all these anomalies. So I promise I would use my wealth of experience as a statesman to make life meaningful for the populace. Nigeria is a cohesive entity but I have the requisite experience to sustain the unity. Like I said during my BBC interview, the Nigerian youths are incapable of moving this nation forward or leading this country because they lack proper education. No, they can not. Let them continue to use their yahoo-yahoo-skill to bring revenue to our nation. If you like, you may as well attribute the decline in Nigerian education to Ibrahim Badamasi Babangida, or the so-called Ejigbo crash or corruption or even 419. It’s all well and good as long as I lay my hands on Aso Rock – my prime target – once again. I am the Messiah. It’s either I rule Nigeria or there’s no Nigeria Nation.  

Meanwhile, I still believe in SAP (Structural Adjustment Program). I am going to implement it even if it means Nigerians will die in their thousands. After all, they are dying of hunger every now and then, so what’s the big deal about SAP? I’m also taking Nigeria to IOC (Islamic Organization Council). This is what Nigeria needs in this critical moment of depravity. I simply can’t fail in this mission because I have already made a covenant with the Mafia over this. Let the Christians and other sects go to hell. Yes, I am ready for 2011 in spite of the media calumny trial which does not in any way represent the people’s opinion. I am the people’s General and the masses are my godfathers. Yes, I am the mirror of our great nation and the more reason my second adventure to Aso Rock in 2011 will be a piece of cake. So far so very cool. 

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