The Malaysian usherette working in Aso Rock has just served the president’s wife a bottle of big stout beer and a plate of full chicken. Mrs Patience Goodrock is now busy drinking and ‘chopping’ with two hands. There’s an ungovernable wild jubilation in Nigeria’s seat of power tonight.
The Malaysian usherette working in Aso Rock has just served the president’s wife a bottle of big stout beer and a plate of full chicken. Mrs Patience Goodrock is now busy drinking and ‘chopping’ with two hands. There’s an ungovernable wild jubilation in Nigeria’s seat of power tonight.
She, the Malaysian housemaid working in Aso Rock and her South Korean husband has lived in Bayelsa State for a long time before moving to Abuja. Both couples are happy of reports that their countries, Malaysia and South Korea are making plans to building embassies in Bayelsa Sate. And simultaneously, the Central Bank governor Mr Sir-nusi announced building of World Conference Centre in Bayelsa State. Mr Sir-nusi had boasted that the said World Conference Centre would surpass the famous Egyptian pyramid plus the Great China Wall put together.
Nigerians have started raising eyebrows and speaking up against Mr Sir-nusi’s World Conference. They fear that PDP might be the only beneficiary of such venture. Most are still wondering as to why PDP politicians were the only ones allowed to use government buildings to hold their 2011 political campaigns. Some are condemning such mismanagement of scare fund when. Most responsible countries are shying away from dirty spending and white elephant projects.
As at the time of filing this report, the partying is still going on in Aso Rock and the reason isn’t too far to see.
Presidential Election Tribunal Declares President Jonathan Winner Of 2011 Election:
With the powers invested upon me, by President Dr Jonathan Goodrock, Commander of the Armed Forces, the Judiciary and INEC. I, president of the Presidential Appeal Court hereby, duly declare President Jonathan Ebelow Goodlrock clear winner of the 2011 court-contested presidential election.
We took this decision on one trillion counts – all, in the presidents’ favour. After a painstaking examination of the case brought before us challenging President Jonathan’s victory, we, the honourable judges have proved beyond reasonable doubt that the president won landslide. International Community did not err when they upheld that. 2011 election is the freest and fairest since the genesis of democracy. Congratulation Mr President! And long live Federal Republic of Nigeria!
Signed by: Mr Satany Yesmania Bribekubu
Date: 15.12.2015
The News Of Jonathan’s Win Reaches Aso Rock:
Soon as the news declaring President Jonathan winner filtered into Aso Rock, the whole place was alight by wild jubilations. Everyone started clinging wine glasses and pumping Champagne. There is speculation that the presidency brought prostitutes from India under the caption ‘belly-dancers.’ Party animals were all over the places dancing, drinking and eating hedonistically. The angle with imported Indian women gave credence to speculations that. Leftovers from Sanni Abacha’s regime are serving in present regime. Abacha people hold the ace for importing easy Indian women. Pastors Oritsegearfour, Adebole and Onyedepo have called the president’s importation of free women from India as perfect act of God. Even though they’ve problems with suggestion that prostitution be legalised in Nigeria, by senate.
Whist party animals, prostitutes and smooth criminals were partying hard, the president’s wife Dame Patience was overtaken by joy that she started to soliloquise. Herewith and along is exactly what the presidents’ wife Patience said inwardly without moving her mouth – hear Patience :’( the main reason I’ve been missing from public spectacle is the shakiness of my husband’s win. Now that we’ve the presidency in the palm of our hands, I’ll resume my braggart lifestyle. First of all, I will go and do tummy tuck as the late Stella Obasanjo did. God forbid! I’m not going to Malaga, Spain. I’ll be heading to Malaysia instead. Which’s the new headquarter for corruption and racketeering by Sleazy Nigerian petrol Mafias plus politicians. I pray God not to let nosy and cocky Malaysian Press know about my plans to travel to their country to remove fat from my body).’ The presidents’ wife concluded her inner self-talk. As she ordered more beer and food whilst dancing towards the president and kissing him direct in the mouth.
Jonathan Reacts And Made This Speech: The news of winning the 2011 presidential election contest via judiciary has just reached me. First and foremost, I thank the God of Israel who made this possible. This election victory is for all Nigerians. Once again, I thank those who voted for me. I promise to fight ‘corruption’ and concentrate on my Transformation Agenda. The unity of this country must be of oneness of purpose. God bless you all. President Jonathan E. Goodrock.
European Union Reacts: The European Union wish to state categorically that we find the circumstances surrounding the Court verdict regrettable. We’re offended by the underhand tactics through which, the Nigerian president sacked justice Salami and replaced him with a pliable one. We’re going to review our relationship with Nigeria as per the erosion of the judiciary. We regretted, having made comments that the 2011 election was free and fair. We’ve been hoodwinked previously, we regret seriously now. Thank you! Signed by: Robert Fisher (secretary EU)
Fishermen Association of Nigeria Congratulates President Jonathan: The Fishermen Association of Nigeria (FAN) do felicitate with our amiable, able and well-able bodied president on his victory. Looking back to our youthful days in The Fisher Boys Club, no one was left in doubt that our great president would one day, unlock the key to success with baby-ease. Then, he outperformed every one of us. He had caught the most and biggest fishes each time we went fishing. Even without shoes in his legs, the president walked through the burning bush without being hurt. We already knew that he’ll become a great man like Nelson Mandela. After his speech, they all boarded the waiting presidential jet sent to convey fishermen to Aso Rock. A party has been planned for forty days and forty nights with the caption ‘Come One, Come All, Rice and Stew, Very Plenty.’ Mr Landben Abati’s signature was appended to the invitation, as the president’s spokesman. Slammed, sealed and delivered, they posted the invitation to those who’ve timbre and calibre credibility worldwide.
The Nigerian Threebune Newspaper stood out as the only Media outfit that greeted the president by itself on his victory. True, the Threebune Newspaper is also the news outlet which stood witness against CPC top politicians in the case of rubbishing Presidential election judges. There now seemed to be a trending chemistry between the Threebune Newspaper and Aso Rock, people have began to wonder in wild amazement!
There also have been outpour of congratulations to the president from organisations and individuals as advertised on notable Newspapers as ThievesDay, The Banguard and co. Felicitations and congratulations are still churning in like August rain as at the time of going to the press.
Sunday Njokede
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