Hunger.
It is the first definition of our humanity. We all must eat to live.
Hunger kills. Sparks riots. Starts wars. You have to eat and to have the ability to continue to do so. It is only when our stomachs enjoy the comfort of food that we can focus on life.
Hunger.
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It is the first definition of our humanity. We all must eat to live.
Hunger kills. Sparks riots. Starts wars. You have to eat and to have the ability to continue to do so. It is only when our stomachs enjoy the comfort of food that we can focus on life.
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The question of what man eats is a fascinating field. Some of the things other people eat would repulse us; some of the things we enjoy as legitimate food have other people gasping for air.
It is not always hunger that makes us eat; sometimes, habit accomplishes that. The human brain, working on a clock we cannot control, informs us we need to eat. Experienced cooks use certain spices and flavours and aromas to entice us towards food.
As we also know, some people eat more than others. In general, people with larger frames eat more than others, but this is not always the case. And food may make a mountain of a once skinny person, although that is not always the case.
An ability to shake our head in the presence of food, especially well-cooked delicacies, says a lot about whom we are. Few people are capable of it; they cannot be corrupted with food.
Still, we all must eat. How much we consume depends on something we call an appetite, which is something from a need for food, to a craving. Some people have small appetites; others have something of a volcano.
Last week, just before Christmas, Nigerians had a chance to assess the appetites of the two most powerful men in their country.
It turns out that both of them, Goodluck Jonathan and Namadi Sambo, actually have the voracious kind. In 2012, they are asking the Nigerian people for a feeding allowance of N3million.
That is per day.
That figure works out at nearly N1billion for the year, according to the 2012 Appropriation Bill which Mr. Jonathan’s presented to the National Assembly on December 16.
Nigerians are outraged, but in order to understand the psychological underpinnings of these numbers, Nigerians ought to step back into their history.
Once upon a time, there was a boy whose parents were not rich. He was so poor that he did not even have shoes on his feet, despite his having to walk miles and miles to school every day.
He was a tough lad. He walked. On and on he walked, until he reached Abuja. And he said to himself, “Just look at me, a common village boy, here in this glittering city. Who would ever have imagined I would make it to Abuja on bare feet?”
And he kept walking. He walked until he reached Aso Rock, the seat of presidential power. He sat down on the big chair, smiling broadly to himself in the big chair.
“Just look at me,” he thought to himself, “a common village boy now here in Aso Rock. I know what I am going to do: I am going to buy myself shoes at last.”
Just then, a thought occurred to him. “Why am I thinking about shoes? I am bigger than shoes!”
Right there and then, he ordered a new jet plane. And another. And another. Three new planes to add to the palace’s huge fleet.
“Yes sir!” they told him as they ran out to go and get him his jets.
And he laughed and laughed until tears ran down his cheeks. “I know what we are going to do,” he told his friend in the next chair.
“What are we going to do?” his friend asked.
“We are hungry,” he said. “We are going to eat like nobody has ever eaten before. We are going to eat things that people have never eaten before. We are going to eat things people have never been able to buy before!”
And so, starting next week, a new day will dawn in Aso Rock. I presume breakfast will be four and five-course Australian and French meals—including exotic crocodile eggs, balls of lions and biceps of tigers—flown in daily in glittering new jets from Melbourne and Paris, complete with kitchen, service, and security staff. Money is no object.
Lunch will be Oriental cuisine only by Japanese cooks in Japanese kitchens flown daily to Abuja, with different courses served by delicate Japanese waitresses singing Madonna’s “Celebrate.” And no kitchen staff, aircraft, pilot or waitresses must be permitted to make more than two trips throughout the year. Money is no object.
Dinner will be exclusively Nigerian cuisine, but it will be cooked daily in temperate climes and flown in and served under specially-built umbrellas. Each of the several courses will be accompanied by different musicians and dancers flown in from different countries. Money is no object.
This is important in order to underline the significance of the transformation agenda. It will also make clear why N1billion Naira for the feeding of two very important men and their households is nothing. New estimates may need to be sent to the National Assembly, especially when you consider the cost of foodstuff these days, or a virement made from the education budget.
And critics would do well to remember that the President eats not only in his official residence, but in the office as well, and maybe the Vice-President likes to eat in his office and at home. And both need a different category known as refreshments because, well, they do need to be refreshed regularly.
Have we considered that when the president eats, he likes to take a drink? Or that the kind of drink he enjoys, which cannot be made public because it is a security issue, is very expensive. Maybe that presidential drink is what makes his transformation agenda so successful.
Looked at closely, the truth is that the budgetary allocation for feeding Nigeria’s is not a budgetary allocation at all. It looks like a harvest for the “winners.” It is the most insensitive, pompous and presumptuous provision I have ever heard of, especially when considered against similar provisions in it. It is the most eloquent statement about the nature of the Jonathan mission.
For anyone in office, these numbers would be bad enough, but for officials who claim they want to transform the society, this question is inevitable: “transform to what?”
Because these numbers clearly show an effort to transform government funds into private hands.
Only two things could have made this situation worse. The first is that Mr. Jonathan and Mr. Sambo are farming these funds over to themselves at a time that Mr. Jonathan is saying, in connection with his plot to foist higher oil prices on Nigerians: “There is nobody who will want to deliberately inflict suffering on his people. Goodluck Jonathan can never be one.”
And he has also said, “Yes, I am here in the State House and being fed by government but that does not keep me so far from the people.”
The second thing that could have made the situation worse is that there are senior preachers of the administration, such as the Finance Minister, Mrs. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, who ought to have a problem with this kind of governance, but who curiously do not.
Yes, Mr. Jonathan is being fed by the government, but he is obviously much hungrier than even his supporters had feared. And if he is going to eat the baby’s lunch in full view of its parents, will he not eat the baby when its parents are away?
Merry Christmas, Nigeria.
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