After weeks of what appears to be religion bashing, I am sure that some of you by now are asking: ‘is he even a Christian?’ Here, I set out how my faith has journeyed and sum up what my belief is.
After weeks of what appears to be religion bashing, I am sure that some of you by now are asking: ‘is he even a Christian?’ Here, I set out how my faith has journeyed and sum up what my belief is.
I was born into a Christian family. I became ‘born-again’ in the university soon after I came into contact with Deeper Life Church members whom I had been warned to stay clear of. I did not find anything to suggest this Christian group was cultist. The church taught me a great deal about the Bible and the Christian faith for which I remain grateful.
In my fourth university year I had a life-changing experience. A friend with whom I sang in church choir was diagnosed with cancer. She was an exemplary Christian and I was sure that God was not going to let this faithful servant die. He promised us healing in the Bible – ‘by his stripes you are healed’. She died after a few weeks of sheer agony despite round-the-clock prayers. This event transformed my life beyond any other. I started to ask questions and critically examine my belief in God, the Bible and life in general. The next two years in medical school gave me limitless opportunities for this critical appraisal. I saw a lot of suffering and death from diseases like cancers, cerebral palsy, spinal cord injuries and paralysis, life changing trauma and road traffic accidents etc. If God were in absolute control of the universe, why would he allow such suffering and death? Some of these unfortunate people are small innocent children and babies. Why do Christians suffer just as much as non-Christians despite all the wonderful promises of healing in the Bible? Why do all the pastors who claim they have the gift of miracle and healing never go to hospitals to prove their claims? I asked my pastors and older Christian friends for explanations and never got any satisfactory answers.
Medical school and internship completed, I got posted to the Niger Delta for national youth service (NYSC). Another event helped to put some perspective on some of the questions I had been asking. During a fellowship (church service) on our NYSC camp, a young lady came to testify of healing. Listening to her story, I thought to myself; the ailment she describes sounds to me like malaria fever, why doesn’t she just take some anti-malarial tablet? By this time in my journey, and based on the anecdotal evidences that I had accumulated, I no longer believed in miracles; and I was convinced that she would come to the Camp clinic if my observations were right. And I think she did. I came to the conclusion that miracles are no more than random chance occurrences. In my journey, I had been to large Christian meetings popularly called crusades or conferences and usually attended by several thousands. Often, a pastor would say something along the lines of ‘there’s a girl here who has a lump in her body’ or ‘there’s someone here whose father is ill’. Well, do the maths, how many people are going to fit this non-specific description in a congregation of thousands of people? I did not have any special power but I felt that even I could run those crusades and have some people attest to a miracle of some description.
It became more and more difficult for me to study the Bible without questioning the character of God. How can I accept that he was kind, loving and impartial when he singled out and favoured the Israelites of all his creations? He promised them a land flowing with milk and honey and commanded them to kill all the other races of people that he himself had created – in what way is that kind? Pharoah may have wanted to let the Israelites leave Egypt, but God deliberately hardened Pharoah’s heart not to let them go, just so he can show his might by destroying Pharoah and the Egyptians – why would anyone do that, let alone God? God is described as all-knowing yet he created his nemesis, satan, as well as trillions of non-obedient human beings all of whom he is going to throw into hell fire to burn for eternity. Isn’t that just wasteful and terrible? What moral right has this God to punish anyone for wrongdoing? He is described as perfect, yet God himself said he regretted creating man. Man was so imperfect in his eyes that he destroyed the whole world in the deluge during Noah’s time – how can a perfect designer produce such an imperfect product? He sent his son Jesus to die on the cross to redeem man back to himself – why does anyone need to die? If God is all-powerful and intelligent, couldn’t he just speak the words ‘let man be redeemed back to me’; much like what he did at creation when he said ‘let there be light’, and there was light? Could this ‘redemption by death’ design turn out to be something he regrets in the future?
So, is there a God? I don’t know. If he exists, I don’t think any one religion has a perfect (or accurate) understanding of him or should lay exclusive claim to knowing his mind. So, what is my faith? I will describe myself as an agnostic – I sincerely don’t know whether or not God exists. I stop short of calling myself an atheist because I cannot prove the non-existence of God. I have never seen oxygen but it keeps me alive. Starve a fire of oxygen and watch it die out. By the same logic, maybe there is a God but who knows? I am certain; he (she) is not quite as religious texts or people describe him (her).
To conclude: most people adopt the religion of their parents without ever questioning if their choice is right. How many people have chosen a religion after a detailed analysis of all the other religions? Hardly any. Yet, most religious people are absolutely convinced that their religion and their god is the only true one; and some will defend it to death. It's a gamble that one should hope would pay off; for if one gets it wrong the repercussions could be serious. As for me, I am honest enough to admit that I don’t know. I welcome all opinions, however different to mine they may be.
Ijabla Raymond
Medical doctor of Nigerian heritage writes from England
Contact: [email protected]
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