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Apostle Paul’s Random Naija Survey By Pius Adesanmi

February 28, 2016

Apostle Paul was the Biblical equivalent of the Nigerian busybody. He was a prolific letter writer. A much better letter writer than President Obasanjo. Apostle Paul wrote his own letters internationally. There was no people he did not feel inclined to guide and advice via letters. He wrote to the Romans, the Corinthians, the Philippians, and the Galatians. Then he wrote to the Ephesians and the Thessalonians. 

Because he wrote so many letters to so many peoples, Apostle Paul often repeated or plagiarized himself. For instance, he gave the Thessalonians and the Ephesians the same advice: in all things, in all situations, give thanks and praise to God. In essence, no matter how worwor your situation is, find some wiggle room for praise.

We are in agreement that President Buhari’s stubborn persistence on the Gulliver lane is an exercise in worwority. Last I heard about the Nigerian President, he had left Saudi Arabia for Qatar and nobody seems to know the next destination. It seems they now just board the plane, roll a die, and tell the pilots to file a flight plan for whatever destination the die falls on.

Were he inclined to write Nigerians at this moment, Apostle Paul would have comforted them and told them to give thanks. At least President Buhari successfully addressed a group of Nigerians in Saudi Arabia and celebrated them without finding drug pushers and fraudsters among them. This is the first time in a long time that the President isn’t on foreign soil with a tar brush ready for his own citizens. 

As might be expected, major policy decisions came from Saudi Arabia. Apostle Paul would have written that where you are unable to stop your President from making all his policy announcements on foreign soil, kuku celebrate those announcements if they are good and positive.

The news that those who padded the 2016 budget will be severely punished came from Saudi Arabia but it is a very welcome news. However, that news did not go far enough. Saying that you will punish those who padded your budget is not enough. You must apologize to the nation and accept responsibility for the mess. In the very minimum, you are guilty of egregious dereliction of oversight responsibility for the buck stops at your desk. Also, consider padlocking Lai Mohammed’s mouth for his was denying padding while you were affirming it. 

The news that there will be no more security votes for Federal officials also came from Saudi Arabia. It is a welcome development. Apostle Paul would have commended President Buhari for this one in a letter. Another source of free, easy money gone. President Buhari is going to have some rough weeks ahead with the very huge demographic of beneficiaries of free slush money created by the corrupt patronage system of the last order. 

Many of those still contesting the 2015 election for President Jonathan on Facebook and Twitter are beneficiaries of the trickle down mechanisms of free money and slush funds put in place by the last administration. Their noise level will increase in the coming weeks as another source of easy money dries up. Anybody they hold responsible for the electoral loss of their ineffectual hero should prepare for rough times ahead as another source of trickle down free money dries up for them. Luckily, Apostle Paul would have written that they should be ignored.

There is also the news that there shall be no more Federal government delegation to Hajj. President Buhari had very harsh words to condemn the wastage represented by this practice. I am yet to hear any commendation by the Christian Association of Nigeria. I hope they understand that this also applies to Federal delegations to Jerusalem. Go and find money to fund your own trips to Jerusalem.

However, Apostle Paul would have noticed that some state Governors were on that lesser hajj with President Buhari. Senator Ibikunle Amosun was there without his fila peteesi (skyscapper fila). Ogbeni Rauf Aregbesola was also there jumping upandan. Apostle Paul would have impressed it upon Nigerians to ask some basic questions. These Governors were in Mecca for a religious observance, were they on the usual daily estacode accruable to a Nigerian official on foreign assignment? If they were collecting estacode, why? 

If Ogbeni Aregbesola was collecting estacode on that trip, Apostle Paul would have very harsh words for him. Apostle Paul would tell him: Rauf, ika ni e o. You are a very wicked man! You have nearly forgotten the meaning of the word, salary, because you never pay your workers. Yet, you are here in Mecca praying and collecting estacode. Who told you that Allah has time for the prayers and supplications of hypocrites?

Apostle Paul would also look in the direction of Kogi state to take note of a recent little matter. Governor Yahaya Bello discovered that one of the former Governors of the state, Ibrahim Idris, was illegally tapping electricity from Government House for his private residence. In order words, Ibrahim Idris illegally connected his private residence to the electricity grid of Government House and has been enjoying free electricity since he left office. No, it wasn’t free. The people of Kogi have been paying for his electricity consumption. Honestly, ko ni da fun iyalaya Nigerian leaders. Gbogbo won ni o!

The story does not end there. Upon discovering the crime, Governor Yahaya Bello ordered the illegal connection of his predecessor disconnected. Because this is Nigeria and the Nigerian is a special species created by God to suffer and justify his own suffering, there were folks who immediately rushed to the defense of Ibrahim Idris. They said that Governor Bello should not be persecuting his elder and predecessor. How much electricity is Ibrahim Idris consuming sef that Bello is doing gra-gra and embarrassing the man? Apostle Paul would curse this category of Stockholm Syndromed Nigerians for they are the greatest obstacle to the work we are trying to do.

Apostle Paul would also have very harsh words for Governor Yahaya Bello. You discovered a crime and all you did was disconnect? Ibrahim Idris was stealing from the people of Kogi state. He broke the law. He committed a crime. Why did you stop at disconnection? What steps have you taken to ensure that he pays for his crimes according to the laws of the land? What steps would you have taken of you had discovered that the same crime was committed by an ordinary carpenter in Isanlu? Why should the only consequence for Ibrahim Idris be disconnection? Governor Bello, do the right thing and make an example of this law-breaking predecessor of yours. By stopping at disconnecting his line, you are contributing to worsening Nigeria’s case as a society of crime without punishment. That is why Nigeria is in the 17th century and is not ready to be part of 21st –century modernity and civilization.

Apostle Paul would leave Kogi to check out our friend, His Excellency Otunba Doctor Peter Ayodele Fayose (Jerusalem Pilgrim) in Ekiti, the state that is now said to lead Nigeria in public defecation. Apostle Paul would note that, with his convoy of sleek jeeps following closely, Fayose was as usual at his populist best in Aramoko Ekiti the other day, riding okada to commission taps that are now flowing with water after being dry for four years. 

Apostle Paul would have note the man hours that Nigerian governors waste commissioning roundabouts, water taps, culverts, and gutters in the 21st century. He would have a very important question for the people of Aramoko Ekiti. You all trooped out to celebrate your Okada governor as he commissioned your water tap. Who among you will have enough civic presence of mind to record how many days of water supply you have from the commissioned taps after the Governor’s visit? Because of stealing, contract inflation, and poor execution, projects always pack up after commissioning in Nigeria. When your taps dry up again in Aramoko Ekiti, how many of you will perform the civic duty of blowing the whistle so we can descend on Fayose like a ton of bricks? 

Apostle Paul would have concluded this Naija round up with: it is well!