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What We Are Thankful For On The 79th (or 83rd?) Birthday Of The Butcher Of Aso Rock, By Bayo Oluwasanmi

December 17, 2021

We can neither thank you enough nor capture all the debt of gratitude we owe you. We thank you for your capricious and murderous will.

Though no birth certificate for General Muhammadu Buhari, The Butcher of Aso Rock, has ever been found, it is generally accepted that he’s between 79 and 83 years old. 


While your critics paint you as arrogant butcher who kills opponents, adversaries, and non-Fulanis with no remorse, majority of Nigerians believe you’re the most sadistic person that ever ruled Nigeria. In fact, in the tournament of the Tyrant Tots: Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, Abacha, Babangida, to mention but few, you’re the most demonic child of them all!


We have many reasons to thank you. We can neither thank you enough nor capture all the debt of gratitude we owe you. We thank you for your capricious and murderous will. Thank you for making Nigeria a killing field. Thank you for your nepotism, and ethnic cleansing. Thank you for making Nigeria ungovernable and unlivable. Thanks for your voodoo economics with signature programs like Tradermoni, n-Power, etc., that have bankrupted Nigeria. 


We are sincerely indebted to you for making it possible for Boko Haram terrorists to control half of Nigeria. Fulani herdsmen terrorists are alive and thriving. You made them what they are. Everything about you speaks of divisiveness, bigotry, and nepotism. It’s an honor that we have you as our president. You were born to lead and it shows. Little wonder you make Nigeria ungovernable and unlivable. Presidents like you are few and far between, hence we celebrate you. We are glad you stopped by!


Thank you for tinted Nigeria with injustice, selfishness, and inhumanity. As a selfish, raging megalomaniac, you are reputed for treating your critics, political opponents, human rights activists, journalists with relentless cruelty. We salute your passion for flagrant disrespect for court rulings. We respect you for your appetite for oddities, ugliness, and abnormalities. Thanks, you’re the best!


We applaud you for uprooting our values, morals, and civilization. We couldn’t have successfully replaced the democracy that brought you into office with tyranny, dictatorship, and despotism without you. Your record on this is incontestable. Kudos for inflicting misery, poverty, hatred, injustice, callousness, and other unspeakable evils on Nigerians. Thanks for making Yoruba Nation and Biafra Republic. This will cement your legacy of a disintegrated Nigeria.  


You’re a great president. You deserve to be celebrated in a great and special way. That’s why Nigerians send greetings and prayers to wish you a happy 79 (or is it 83) birthday celebration. Many happy returns!


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