This will happen this year, trust me.
As 2026 buried 2025, I can’t help but make some predictions why Nigeria will be the greatest country in 2026. As the clock struck midnight in New Year’s Eve, I found myself in prophetic trance with some predictions handed over to me. There will be unforgettable events that will take place in Nigeria in 2026. The year will be like no others.
In 2026, a new president will take over the reins of government. A deranged, narcissistic dictator will be installed at Aso Rock. His party will staunchly stand by him through every insane pronouncement. The party will support every kleptocracy arrangement and senile ineptitude of the new president.
The National Assembly will unanimously pass a bill that would make Boko Haram and Fulani terrorists freedom fighters. The new bill will make them co-equal branch of government. President Bola Tinubu will gladly sign the bill into law.
Nigeria will have a national healthcare system that will be managed by doctors and nurses from Uganda, Chad, Haiti, Papau New Guinea, Afghanistan, Yemen, and other countries of particular concern.
The Corrupt Ruling Elite (CRE) will be trapped in their own houses by corruption and fraud. They will be increasingly desperate for escape. Looting and plundering will bail them out and will ultimately declare them not guilty. They will take a bow and go to enjoy their looted affluence.
Pfizer, world’s pharmaceutical giant, will develop a new Cow Viagra specifically for Nigerian breed of cows. This will result in sexual overdrive for the cows and will not be deterred by Fulani herders. Export of Nigerian cows will increase.
The government of the new president will make it easier for our senior citizens to depart to a new world so the government will save so much money from the program just like the big savings recorded from oil subsidies.
The government will create four new countries from the present Nigeria: The People’s Republic of Indomie, The Republic of Saboteurs, The Democratic Republic of Morons, and The Federal Republic of Zombies.
Bands A, B, C, D, E, F, of the new electricity distribution system will be replaced with lanterns and flashlights powered by palm oil. Our police will be displaced by K-9 Dogs because the K-9 Dogs are more efficient, intelligent, and capable than the present police officers. Our hospitals will be dismantled to make way for makeshift tent medical centers for accessibility, affordability, and inclusivity.
New express roads with multiple lanes will be built with cow and sheep dung. Every road in cities, towns, villages, and highways will have tolls that will make it possible to recoup the costs of the roads.
A new location in the forest will be established for our schools that will guarantee safety of our children and students. This will make it absolutely impossible for the terrorists, kidnappers, and abductors to snatch the children.
To save our country from air pollution from factories and other businesses, all manufacturing companies will relocate to Sambisa Forest. All essential consumer products will be solely imported. Our legislators are the poorest in the world. We want them to earn salaries and perks that are commensurate with their difficult jobs. Their salaries and other emoluments will be revised upwards.
With these revolutionary reforms, Nigeria has nothing to lose but its Third World status. In case you’re offended by anything I’ve written here, it’s almost the truth. Please, bear with me. But then you shouldn’t be mad at how funny or smart I am. Work with me so we can dig ourselves out of the hole Nigeria finds herself. For once, try to see the truth for what it is: truth. If you’re not part of the solution, you are the problem.
Happy New Year!