April 16, 2010
We are a consulting firm with specialization in Strategic Turn-Around Restructuring (STAR) of countries hanging on the precipice of self-destruction. We have been contacted by the ordinary citizens of a sub-Saharan African country, represented by a coalition of civil society groups, to desperately shop for an alien President/Commander-in-Chief of the armed and unarmed forces of their country.
We are a consulting firm with specialization in Strategic Turn-Around Restructuring (STAR) of countries hanging on the precipice of self-destruction. We have been contacted by the ordinary citizens of a sub-Saharan African country, represented by a coalition of civil society groups, to desperately shop for an alien President/Commander-in-Chief of the armed and unarmed forces of their country.
They premised their request on the precarious situation of events in their country, evidenced by an obvious absence of purposeful and strong-willed leadership that has eluded them for decades. They acknowledged that their hydra-headed problems have defied all commonsense elixirs ever concocted by man. They also claimed that they have experimented with different formulas and judiciously applied prescribed doses to combat their common enemy, all to no avail. They further submitted that the country had experimented with all forms of government ever known to man, ranging from colonialism, parliamentary, autocratic military dictatorship, democrazy, interim national government and recently invisible presidency. In their frustrations, they approached us in resignation that the option left for them, that is unheard of, is to commission an experienced alien “governmentocrat” that is uncontaminated by the “share the money” syndrome to take charge of their country.
OVERVIEW
The country in question is a country endowed with rich human and natural resources that can propel it to be among the 10 best countries in the world. Unfortunately, the country with a population of about 150 million people has been plagued by severe leadership and followership(?) crisis. A common denominator underlying the pervasive problems holding the country to ransom is the uncanny and uncontrolled corruption, which has been mysteriously embedded in the psyche of any citizen who finds himself in leadership positions. An ugly pattern has now evolved that subsequent leaders who usually impose their selfish authority on the masses engage themselves in a frenzied battle to outdo each other in megalomaniac quests. The people have now realised that for every new set of leaders that comes on board, their hopes and aspirations are set backwards than in the previous government. It is now very clear from the observed trend that the country is actually retrogressing among the comity of progressive nations. The word “potential” has become an indelible alias for this beleaguered nation currently begging for this uncommon solution that fundamentally challenges the principle of sovereignty.
THE PEOPLE AND CULTURE
Our preliminary analysis of the problems of the country in focus tended to brand the entire citizenry as innately corrupt by socio-cultural orientation. However, further analyses completely negated this ill-founded fallacy due to some positive findings that were discovered about the people. It was revealed that the aboriginal people, who come from different ethnic backgrounds and were unwillingly amalgamated into one country, are actually very intelligent, honest and hardworking people. In fact, their contributions in foreign lands where some of them sojourn in search of Golden Fleece have been quite outstanding and noteworthy. It therefore becomes more curious to learn that these same high flyers in the Diaspora exhibit the same condemnable corrupt tendencies as their home-based compatriots, when given the opportunity to come home and serve. This can be attributed to the wrongly conceived parlance of “if you can’t beat ‘em, you join ‘em” or “if you can’t stop a rape, you make the best out of it”. So if the bona fide citizens of this potentially great nation are exonerated of the false accusation of innate corrupt tendencies, who or what then becomes the culprit that the people have tried over time to rope in for their colossal financial misfortunes and political misadventures?
THE GEOGRAPHIC DEFINITION OF THE COUNTRY
Is it the land that unduly influences the people to be corrupt? Ironically, it is only a few countries in the world that can boast of the natural endowments that have been bequeathed by Providence to this country, struck by this seemingly incurable and debilitating disease. The icing on the cake is that the country by celestial design is even immune from natural disasters such as earthquakes, typhoons, hurricanes, tsunamis etc that usually wreak havocs with inescapable death tolls in countries that are subjects of envy. The major catastrophes ever experienced by this puzzled country that resulted in wanton loss of lives, were in fact, all manmade. Firm believers in the three major religions of Christianity, Islam and Paganism usually joke about how God unjustly protects their land, despite their collective disobedience and hardheartedness. How do you hold a “land flowing with milk and honey” responsible for the poverty, systems collapse, and insecurity of lives of its citizens? Falling to such a misleading line of reasoning would be tantamount to charging the Creator to the heavenly court for undue favouritism.
All the geographic regions of this country have abundant natural resources that can make them self-sustaining and economically independent of each other. However, the sudden discovery of a singular commodity called OIL in a particular region of the country provoked an unprecedented orgy of merriment that saw the immediate and senseless abandonment of every other means of livelihood. Within a reasonably short period, a well-diversified economy was reduced to a mono-cultural one that was deriving over 80% of its foreign exchange earnings from just one product. The overwhelming inflow of petrodollars further complicated issues, as it seemed like there was no need for the citizens to work again. It was reported that the leader of the country in the oil boom period even remarked that money was no longer a problem for them, but spending it was. Widespread indolence gripped the nation while technological ingenuity and entrepreneurial spirit peculiar to a particular region of the country was annihilated. Fiscal budget surpluses translated to bonuses awarded to civil servants and financial grants donated to neighbouring countries that were considered less-privileged. There was a fiesta of spending sprees that pushed the country from the league of exporting nations to a consumer nation. The false notion of the existence of a national cake was subsequently created in the minds of the people that only the vilest and the wittiest could get a share of.
THE CONFIRMED AND UNCONFIRMED FEARS
In their request for alien presidency, the poor masses enumerated so many fears that bothered on their future. They mentioned the recycling of over-spent leaders primarily responsible for the excruciating rot and the emergence of a new crop of thieving young leaders who are more than ready to mortgage the future of the entire nation. Their avaricious actions depict a group of young looters who see political tickets as opportunities to meet up with certain already laid standards; chief among them is ownership of country-home mansions and private jets. With an overwhelming global advancement in technology, the common masses are even afraid that these same dishonourable homo sapiens may resort, in the nearest future, to cloning (yes biological cloning) in order to perpetuate their oppressive and thieving tactics since they have not been able to bribe the indefatigable agent called death with their ill-gotten wealth.
These concerned citizens affirmed that it is only in their country that anything (thinkable or unthinkable) is possible, so they cautioned us that none of their fears should be considered laughable. They equally cited recent developments where they achieved the unprecedented feat of being a country with invisible presidency till date and the heavens have not fallen. A recent exposé of criminal beneficiaries of one of the biggest bribery scandals and corporate heist ever known, involving a multinational foreign company, contains names of some self-acclaimed moralists who always preach the gospel of reforms when they have already stashed away enough loot in foreign lands to outlast their generations unborn. Our clients have concluded that amongst the present crop of leaders, they do not see anybody morally fit to lead them anymore hence the current quest for an alien president.
CONCLUSION AND RECOMMENDATION
In our final analysis, we found that the institution of alien presidency is possible if our clients adopt an alien approach in the selection of who governs them. We also found out that the alien presidency was a wishful creation in the minds of the citizens based on their expectations from government. They were able to transcend their imaginations from the hostile stark realities to the realm of idealism, thereby envisaging the possibility of a utopian state. We have resolved to enlighten them to exploit their God-given gift of mental vision to search for the alien president that dwells among them but is unknown to the carnal-minded. An alien president in their thinking, is someone whose origin is inconsequential, but is free from the contaminations of vicious embezzlements and is not standing in the shadows of any political godfather.
A didactic projection of the political future of this country points in the right direction because the devourer called corruption is about to be tamed by the denial of its disciples to inflict more pain through access to power. The weapon of continuous public ridicule is potent if properly harnessed to attack confirmed public enemies, who may withdraw into their cocoons of irreversible open opprobrium. The age-long culture common among the different ethnicities whereby thieves were made to dance naked with charcoal solutions rubbed all over their bodies and sometimes were thereafter banished from the society; still retains some usefulness in the civilized world. There can never be a better timing for the release of the aforementioned exposé on the eve of another historic transition moment that has even indicted some personalities that were already preparing to stage political comebacks. The emergence of an alien electoral umpire empowered by alien electoral reforms before the next elections, will no doubt, facilitate the birth of a look-alike alien president the people crave for. Half-cake can at least suppress the pangs of hunger.
Online social networks such as Facebook offer a good market square where known thieves can be stripped naked and publicly ridiculed, forcing such thieves and their offsprings to banish themselves from such networks. If Facebook were proclaimed a country today, it would be the third largest in the world and there can never be a bigger market square to publicly flog Ali Baba and the thousand thieves. This will signal the commencement of an elimination process that albeit may take some time, but will surely caution emerging leaders suffering from hangover of old school mentality of public office kleptomania. The scapegoats of today will be tomorrow’s reminder that misdemeanours in public office will sentence those found culpable to a highly regrettable solitary confinement of shame that will impact negatively on the lives of even their unborn children. This is the country that parades parents who always draw their children’s ears while saying “a good name is better than riches”. So much for moral lessons!
Behold your alien president O great nation!
They premised their request on the precarious situation of events in their country, evidenced by an obvious absence of purposeful and strong-willed leadership that has eluded them for decades. They acknowledged that their hydra-headed problems have defied all commonsense elixirs ever concocted by man. They also claimed that they have experimented with different formulas and judiciously applied prescribed doses to combat their common enemy, all to no avail. They further submitted that the country had experimented with all forms of government ever known to man, ranging from colonialism, parliamentary, autocratic military dictatorship, democrazy, interim national government and recently invisible presidency. In their frustrations, they approached us in resignation that the option left for them, that is unheard of, is to commission an experienced alien “governmentocrat” that is uncontaminated by the “share the money” syndrome to take charge of their country.
OVERVIEW
The country in question is a country endowed with rich human and natural resources that can propel it to be among the 10 best countries in the world. Unfortunately, the country with a population of about 150 million people has been plagued by severe leadership and followership(?) crisis. A common denominator underlying the pervasive problems holding the country to ransom is the uncanny and uncontrolled corruption, which has been mysteriously embedded in the psyche of any citizen who finds himself in leadership positions. An ugly pattern has now evolved that subsequent leaders who usually impose their selfish authority on the masses engage themselves in a frenzied battle to outdo each other in megalomaniac quests. The people have now realised that for every new set of leaders that comes on board, their hopes and aspirations are set backwards than in the previous government. It is now very clear from the observed trend that the country is actually retrogressing among the comity of progressive nations. The word “potential” has become an indelible alias for this beleaguered nation currently begging for this uncommon solution that fundamentally challenges the principle of sovereignty.
THE PEOPLE AND CULTURE
Our preliminary analysis of the problems of the country in focus tended to brand the entire citizenry as innately corrupt by socio-cultural orientation. However, further analyses completely negated this ill-founded fallacy due to some positive findings that were discovered about the people. It was revealed that the aboriginal people, who come from different ethnic backgrounds and were unwillingly amalgamated into one country, are actually very intelligent, honest and hardworking people. In fact, their contributions in foreign lands where some of them sojourn in search of Golden Fleece have been quite outstanding and noteworthy. It therefore becomes more curious to learn that these same high flyers in the Diaspora exhibit the same condemnable corrupt tendencies as their home-based compatriots, when given the opportunity to come home and serve. This can be attributed to the wrongly conceived parlance of “if you can’t beat ‘em, you join ‘em” or “if you can’t stop a rape, you make the best out of it”. So if the bona fide citizens of this potentially great nation are exonerated of the false accusation of innate corrupt tendencies, who or what then becomes the culprit that the people have tried over time to rope in for their colossal financial misfortunes and political misadventures?
THE GEOGRAPHIC DEFINITION OF THE COUNTRY
Is it the land that unduly influences the people to be corrupt? Ironically, it is only a few countries in the world that can boast of the natural endowments that have been bequeathed by Providence to this country, struck by this seemingly incurable and debilitating disease. The icing on the cake is that the country by celestial design is even immune from natural disasters such as earthquakes, typhoons, hurricanes, tsunamis etc that usually wreak havocs with inescapable death tolls in countries that are subjects of envy. The major catastrophes ever experienced by this puzzled country that resulted in wanton loss of lives, were in fact, all manmade. Firm believers in the three major religions of Christianity, Islam and Paganism usually joke about how God unjustly protects their land, despite their collective disobedience and hardheartedness. How do you hold a “land flowing with milk and honey” responsible for the poverty, systems collapse, and insecurity of lives of its citizens? Falling to such a misleading line of reasoning would be tantamount to charging the Creator to the heavenly court for undue favouritism.
All the geographic regions of this country have abundant natural resources that can make them self-sustaining and economically independent of each other. However, the sudden discovery of a singular commodity called OIL in a particular region of the country provoked an unprecedented orgy of merriment that saw the immediate and senseless abandonment of every other means of livelihood. Within a reasonably short period, a well-diversified economy was reduced to a mono-cultural one that was deriving over 80% of its foreign exchange earnings from just one product. The overwhelming inflow of petrodollars further complicated issues, as it seemed like there was no need for the citizens to work again. It was reported that the leader of the country in the oil boom period even remarked that money was no longer a problem for them, but spending it was. Widespread indolence gripped the nation while technological ingenuity and entrepreneurial spirit peculiar to a particular region of the country was annihilated. Fiscal budget surpluses translated to bonuses awarded to civil servants and financial grants donated to neighbouring countries that were considered less-privileged. There was a fiesta of spending sprees that pushed the country from the league of exporting nations to a consumer nation. The false notion of the existence of a national cake was subsequently created in the minds of the people that only the vilest and the wittiest could get a share of.
THE CONFIRMED AND UNCONFIRMED FEARS
In their request for alien presidency, the poor masses enumerated so many fears that bothered on their future. They mentioned the recycling of over-spent leaders primarily responsible for the excruciating rot and the emergence of a new crop of thieving young leaders who are more than ready to mortgage the future of the entire nation. Their avaricious actions depict a group of young looters who see political tickets as opportunities to meet up with certain already laid standards; chief among them is ownership of country-home mansions and private jets. With an overwhelming global advancement in technology, the common masses are even afraid that these same dishonourable homo sapiens may resort, in the nearest future, to cloning (yes biological cloning) in order to perpetuate their oppressive and thieving tactics since they have not been able to bribe the indefatigable agent called death with their ill-gotten wealth.
These concerned citizens affirmed that it is only in their country that anything (thinkable or unthinkable) is possible, so they cautioned us that none of their fears should be considered laughable. They equally cited recent developments where they achieved the unprecedented feat of being a country with invisible presidency till date and the heavens have not fallen. A recent exposé of criminal beneficiaries of one of the biggest bribery scandals and corporate heist ever known, involving a multinational foreign company, contains names of some self-acclaimed moralists who always preach the gospel of reforms when they have already stashed away enough loot in foreign lands to outlast their generations unborn. Our clients have concluded that amongst the present crop of leaders, they do not see anybody morally fit to lead them anymore hence the current quest for an alien president.
CONCLUSION AND RECOMMENDATION
In our final analysis, we found that the institution of alien presidency is possible if our clients adopt an alien approach in the selection of who governs them. We also found out that the alien presidency was a wishful creation in the minds of the citizens based on their expectations from government. They were able to transcend their imaginations from the hostile stark realities to the realm of idealism, thereby envisaging the possibility of a utopian state. We have resolved to enlighten them to exploit their God-given gift of mental vision to search for the alien president that dwells among them but is unknown to the carnal-minded. An alien president in their thinking, is someone whose origin is inconsequential, but is free from the contaminations of vicious embezzlements and is not standing in the shadows of any political godfather.
A didactic projection of the political future of this country points in the right direction because the devourer called corruption is about to be tamed by the denial of its disciples to inflict more pain through access to power. The weapon of continuous public ridicule is potent if properly harnessed to attack confirmed public enemies, who may withdraw into their cocoons of irreversible open opprobrium. The age-long culture common among the different ethnicities whereby thieves were made to dance naked with charcoal solutions rubbed all over their bodies and sometimes were thereafter banished from the society; still retains some usefulness in the civilized world. There can never be a better timing for the release of the aforementioned exposé on the eve of another historic transition moment that has even indicted some personalities that were already preparing to stage political comebacks. The emergence of an alien electoral umpire empowered by alien electoral reforms before the next elections, will no doubt, facilitate the birth of a look-alike alien president the people crave for. Half-cake can at least suppress the pangs of hunger.
Online social networks such as Facebook offer a good market square where known thieves can be stripped naked and publicly ridiculed, forcing such thieves and their offsprings to banish themselves from such networks. If Facebook were proclaimed a country today, it would be the third largest in the world and there can never be a bigger market square to publicly flog Ali Baba and the thousand thieves. This will signal the commencement of an elimination process that albeit may take some time, but will surely caution emerging leaders suffering from hangover of old school mentality of public office kleptomania. The scapegoats of today will be tomorrow’s reminder that misdemeanours in public office will sentence those found culpable to a highly regrettable solitary confinement of shame that will impact negatively on the lives of even their unborn children. This is the country that parades parents who always draw their children’s ears while saying “a good name is better than riches”. So much for moral lessons!
Behold your alien president O great nation!
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