One of the Ministers of Power (there are two of them) was quoted as telling a South African delegation that evil spirits were preventing Nigeria from achieving sustainable electricity. The minister, Hajiya Zainab Kuchi was even quoted as recommending exorcism – “We must resolve to jointly exorcise the evil spirit behind this darkness.” Okay, I concede that Nigerians, especially the ‘collective children of anger’ (Reuben Abati’s most memorable contribution to national dialogue in recent time), as usual might be tempted to twist her statement beyond its basic intendment. It therefore did not come to me as a surprise to observe that Cyberia (this is courtesy Prof. Pius Adesanmi) went into overdrive, latching onto this patriotic recommendation of the minister and spreading it far and wide. From relative obscurity, Hajiya Zainab Kuchi has been catapulted into national reckoning and today, it is likely that she is one of the most well known ministers.
I however share a different view. I affirm that the minister is right. It could however be a dangerous error to attempt exorcism of these evil spirits when we are yet to identify the type that have turned PHCN and the Ministry of Power into such a permanent abode of demons thereby arresting and undermining the noble efforts of ministers. There is no doubt about the intention of these malevolent spirits – to keep Nigerians in the dark, permanently. Come to think of it, does it appear as ‘ordinary’ that the nation would spend a record sum of twenty five billion US dollars only to move from 4,200 megawatts in the early days of the Obasanjo administration to 4,100 megawatts in 2012?
Even when some are likely to feign ignorance of the recorded sighting of blood sucking demons, witches and wizards in the nation’s aviation industry, genuine patriots must take words coming from the informed minds of these ministers seriously. It is the person in charge that has seen the in and out of the power ministry that should know better and it is my view that rushing to condemn such persons is a display of ignorance and an underestimation of the devilish power packed by demons. This is why we must move beyond uninformed responses and see the patriotic flavour in the simple and well intentioned recommendation of Hajiya Kuchi who spoke bluntly and frankly.
After a thorough consideration of the issues at stake and knowing that we have no other country to call our own, I have reluctantly taken it upon myself to help Hajiya Kuchi so that we can bring a closure to this issue once and for all time. Even though my great grandfathers would have burdened madam with numerous and costly matters of sacrificial items such as those suggested by Kayode Ogundare viz - “N1.2bn only for Akukoadiye (cock), N2bn for epo pupa (palmoil), N1.3bn only for iganaso funfun (piece of special white cloth from Pakistan. Digression; the Minister of Agrriculture likes Pakistan and has secured the assurance of Pakistan to teach us the secret of textile so that Nigeria can break into the world’s textile business arena currently being dominated by the likes of Pakistan), N700m foreye owiwi (adult owl), N300m for eye adaba (an egret), N1.5bn for ewe jenwitemi (a special leaf named ‘freedom of speech’) and N5bn round figure for awon nkan miran ta gbodo so (other stuffs that we must not mention in the public). Total estimates for sacrifice to the spirits if there must be uninterrupted power supply would thus be (N12bn)” – my patriotism will propitiate for these.
Thus, because of the great urgency and mighty significance of uninterrupted power to national development as well as the realization, as admitted by the minister, that the nation has expended several billions of dollars (the minister calls this ‘huge tax payers resources’) already, I have decided to reveal this secret in the interest of the nation – after all, oju lon r’oju s’anu (we must empathize with one another).
When Hajiya Zainab Kuchi gets to work next week, she should go to her senior Minister and request of him to urgently summon the Permanent Secretary (PS), director generals (DG) of all parastatals in the power ministry and the directors of the various departments of the power ministry. She must ensure that all government appointed heads of the 18 successor companies of the PHCN are invited. She may even ask the minister to invite her predecessors and previous PSs, DGs, directors etc. She must not forget the contractors either, all major contractors and sub contractors.
While the invitations are being sent, she must quickly ask the senior minister to order a brand new 'jigi' (large life-size mirror) from Jabi market in Abuja. Once these eminent people have all assembled and the mirror positioned upright in the conference hall, she must then check her watch to be sure it is 12 noon (when the sun is up above the head). Now, this is the moment we have been waiting for. Hajiya must now request each of the oga patapata (from current senior Minister, past Ministers, PS etc to the most junior director and contractors) to step forward and stand upright in front of the mirror one person at a time. As they take turn, Insha Allah, each of the wicked spirits responsible for the nation’s darkness will appear to each of these eminent men – life and direct.
Each person must however test the spirit to be certain that what he or she sees is indeed real. The test of the spirit is simple. Once a VIP (very important person) is standing firmly erect in front of a mirror, he must raise one of his hands and make a gesture as he deems fit. If the image of the spirit that appears perfectly and simultaneously imitates the VIP, then ‘ifa jana’(the oracle strikes truth). That horrific being in the mirror that is pretending to be an angel of light is one of the evil spirits that have prevented Nigeria from achieving sustainable electricity.
It is only when these spirits have been properly identified that the process of exorcism as recommended by the minister can now commence in earnest. Even the Holy Bible indicates that it was after the ‘Legion’ spirit has been identified that the Messiah, Jesus, began the process of exorcism, not before.
I know that the ‘collective children of anger’ might want to dismiss this. Haven’t most of them embraced the white man’s religion at the expense of Ifa and Amadioha? The Minister has suggested that we need spiritual intervention and exorcism. I agree with her. My prescription will identify the evil spirits prior to exorcism. If they insist that they do not want to have anything to do with our traditional method, then I suggest that after the evil spirits might have been identified, they could go ahead and invite the nation’s foremost spiritual fathers, such eminent people like Sheikh Alfa Muhammed Bashir, the Chief Imam of Ilorin, Sheikh Alfa Abdul Akeem Yayi Akorede, the Chief Imam of Akure Kingdom, Pastor Enoch Adejare Adeboye, Bishop Matthew Hassan Kukah, Bishop Ayo Oritsejafor etc for the exorcism proper. This might even provide a perfect opportunity for Bishop Kukah and Bishop Oritsejafor to iron out their differences over the recent small matter of a private Bombardier jet that got anonymously packed at the backyard of Oritsejafor .
The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect the editorial policy of SaharaReporters