I used to cringe every time I heard the interjection “Holy Shit!” I thought it was vulgar and blasphemous since things should not be both ‘holy’ and ‘shit’. Now I don’t cringe anymore. Actually, it is a ‘descriptive phrase’, not a mere interjection.
I used to cringe every time I heard the interjection “Holy Shit!” I thought it was vulgar and blasphemous since things should not be both ‘holy’ and ‘shit’. Now I don’t cringe anymore. Actually, it is a ‘descriptive phrase’, not a mere interjection. Let’s deconstruct it: some things could rightly be referred to as ‘holy’ such as the things pertaining to the church; conversely, some other things could be referred to as ‘shit’ or ‘shitty’ such as the shitty remarks the boss made about your draft. Okay, so what happens when ‘holy’ matters take a ‘shitty’ outlook? You have Holy Shit. And there is one brewing right now in the Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN).
A little refresher course is in order. First Nigeria is a secular state for ultra-religious citizens. This means that while we subscribe to a host of gods, saints, prophets, scriptures, general overseers, and ‘babas’; we agree to defer only to our constitution. So we leave our gods at home when we perform our civic duties. At least that was how it was meant to be, in theory.
But in actual practice, Nigeria is a holy state – note, I did not say a theocracy even though a large chunk of Nigeria theoretically is governed by Islamic law. A prime requirement for the holiness of the state is the role of the clergy. So we have the Nigerian Supreme Council for Islamic Affairs and the Christian Association of Nigeria towering somewhat above the Constitution and very close to God. A little lower down, you have a host of religious conglomerations competing for attention and for money to buy private jets and limousines (I don’t know what the babas do with their own loot though).
As an act of obeisance to our holy state, we say opening and closing prayers (often addressed to different gods) before we sing our national hymn in civic functions. Well-dressed clergy compete and cooperate favourably with our political elite for the national cake: so you have the clergy at political functions, and the politicians reciprocate by paying regular ‘official’ visits to the places of worship. Of course the press is eager to follow the politicians into the church or mosque with cameras and we get to know who said amen and who didn’t to which prayer, etc. Also, a huge chunk of our budget goes to the gods by way of ‘honorarium’ to clergy and also sponsoring long trips for clergies and their friends to go tour the Middle East for state sponsored pilgrimages.
So it was breaking news when the Catholic Bishops Conference in Nigeria threatened to decamp from the Christian Association of Nigeria which is more or less a political party where you have to own a church before you can join. And why would the holy fathers leave? Well, they don’t like the way Papa Oritsejafor is governing the affairs of their party. I respect these holy fathers; they did not say “thus sayeth the Lord, the Catholics shall decamp”, instead they voiced unhappiness with “recent attitudes, utterances and actions of the national leadership of CAN which in our opinion negate the concept of the foundation of the association and the desire of Our Lord Jesus Christ.” This sounded a little more than plain old dislike for Oritsejafor’s style and how CAN has become an extension of the ruling PDP; it is a suggestion that current leaders of CAN need to repent. But to be exact, the Catholics are not the only ones unhappy with Oritsejafor’s CAN; the Muslims too, made a few comments a while ago.
That Oritsejafor beat Bishop (now Cardinal) Onaiyekan in a holy election and forced the respected father out of the leadership of CAN did not help matters. Nor did the Lord’s decision to bless Oritsejafor with a jet recently. So the Catholics are quietly mulling over the decision to leave and maybe join/form the spiritual ‘Opposition’. Suddenly, the ‘Public Relations Officer of the 19 Northern States of CAN and Abuja’, Mr. Sunny Oibe has a few thoughts about the Catholic fathers. If you thought he was calling them to “reason together” or to pray it out, or to reconsider the position of CAN vis-a-vis Jesus Christ then you are wrong. He told the press that “the Catholics are arrogant and known for double standards”. Mr Oibe is really not happy with the Catholics, he wonders, “Why is it that when Catholics were in the leadership of CAN, every bloc supported them but now because power has changed hands, they are threatening to pull out and causing confusion?”. Unfortunately, “The problem of Catholics is that they always display arrogance of knowledge. They don’t want to be under anybody but they want everybody to be under them”. Obviously Brother Oibe has been watching the Catholics long before they considered leaving CAN; in plain language therefore, he implies that the Catholics could go home and do it to themselves.
It is amazing how the conversation among these holy folks adopts the low threshold of etiquette established by Nigerian politicians. We are coming close to the days when we have to take out the secularity clause from our constitution and place the clergy officially above the political elites. As it stands, even the atheists (who believe in nothing) believe that Nigeria is NOT secular. Religion has had far too much influence on what happens and what does not happen in Nigeria. Unfortunately, we see a collusion of interests and bad manners between the religious and political elite who are, frankly, all politicians.
So just before our clergy get down to the business of hurling chairs at each other or before they slug it out like Dino Melaye (which is not very far ahead), I ask Nigeria to pray. Well, it is not in our tradition to solve any problems that we have not prayed about. So we should pray that God in His infinite mercy will deliver us from the burden that this religion is placing on our state. It would help also if we have a No-Clergy Day in Nigeria – that one day when all Nigerians will ignore all priests and clergies of all kinds and attempt to seek enlightenment from their scriptures alone. And, next time anyone criticises you for “washing your dirty linen in public”; look to our fathers in CAN. Very exemplary.
Nengak Daniel Gondyi is a Nigerian researcher. He presently studies International Migration and Ethnic Relations at the Malmö Högskola in Sweden. He maintains a weekly blog with youthhubafrica.org.
Contact: [email protected]
The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect the editorial policy of SaharaReporters
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