(Blues for ‘A Thousand Shades of Graft’.)
I
The Emperor hits the streets
With a cargo of cash
Ah! The Emperor hits the streets
With a cargo of cash
Convoys so loaded with lustful loot
A huge fortune, to them, is a trifle ‘dash’*
The first ports of call are the kings’ domains
The regal post for the fattest bribe
Say, the first ports of call are the kings’ domains
The regal post for the fattest bribe
They pledge their crowns, they pledge their beads
And whatever else is sacred in their swindled tribe
To every Oba his dollar dole
The Obis get their own in sparkling sterling
Eewo!** To every Oba his dollar dole
The Obis get their own in sparkling sterling
The royal groveling that Greeks the gift
Is way beyond my plebeian telling
The Empress lumbers large to grease and grab
With her cache of gold for the womenfolk
See, the Empress looms large to grease and grab
With her cache of gold for the womenfolk
Every word is a Malaprop Moment
A sick, sad country and its silly joke
Bribe the Pastors, bribe the Thugs
Pound and plunder the national treasury
Say, bribe the Pastors, bribe the Thugs
Pound and plunder the national treasury
Press the flesh, pull the polls
Rake in the gains of your hard-bought treachery
II
Corruption has a room
In the house called Nigeria
Hear? Corruption has a large room
In the house called Nigeria
It waxes hot and lethal
Like a drug-defying malaria
You help rig the polls
At the Emperor’s behest
Yes, you help rig the polls
At the Emperor’s behest
Suborn the Army, pollute the Police
And grab your reward and feather your nest
The dirtier the deed
The higher the prize
Say, the dirtier the deed
The higher the prize
The Nation’s hallowed creed
Is a litany of lies
The Minister looted the Treasury
And received a GCFR
Haba! The Minister looted the Treasury
And received a GCFR
His/her Pastor praised the Lord
For the big, undetected robbery
Will the Emperor buy the votes
With his endless chest of dollars?
Asking, will he buy the votes
With his chest of countless dollars?
There is nothing beyond purchase
In a land of venal crawlers
*Dash: ‘tip’ in Nigerian English
**Eewo!: abomination!
Niyi Osundare